The Mermaid's Pearl
by MyTwiDreams
Summary: The Sequel to It Won't Rain/ Three years have passed since Alice and her transgender girlfriend Bella found their happiness with each other. Now their blue sky is covered by grey clouds and a past that is supposed to be forgotten is still constantly lurking in the background./Bellice/AH
1. Chapter 1

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] This is going to be the sequel for **It Won't Rain** and I highly recommend reading that one first.

There is no use in explaining how my brain works like. It's just too chaotic but I hope you'll love this plot-bunny down there anyway.

One of my readers has been so nice to nominate **It Won't** **Rain** over at **twifanfictionrecs com** in the Top Ten Completed Fics for August 2012. I feel so very special and honored by that. If you like to you can vote for my little Tranella fic over there.

****1****

„Faster, Mommy! You need to drive faster or the police won't pull us over."

I grip my fingers tighter around the steering wheel, cursing my best friend silently in my head. My three-year-old son found the incident the two of them had last week pretty impressive. Andy loves police-officers, and he is fascinated by the lights and sounds of their cars. Maybe I should buy him a little cruiser. He'd like that.

"You need to go faster! Please, Mommy!"

"Sweetie, Mommy doesn't want to get a ticket. We're almost home anyway."

"Uncle Edward always drives fast when I tell him to. He's more fun than you."

Your Uncle Edward isn't going to spend one minute alone with you in a car in the next time, I think. He drives likes a maniac and when you confront him with the problem, he just laughs about it.

Parking the car in front of the house, I help Andy out of his seat. Then I try to balance the grocery shopping on my left hip while I simultaneously fumble for the keys.

"Mommy is going to cook dinner for us. Do you want to play in your room or do you want to help me?"

"Help," he mutters, climbing on one of the kitchen chairs.

I chop some vegetables for salad and tell him to put everything in a big bowl. Then I let him pour some dressing over it while I stuff the frozen Lasagna into the microwave and pull some plates out of the cupboard above me.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Is Uncle Edward my daddy?"

The plates fall out my trembling hands, breaking into dozens of shards when they make contact with the kitchen floor. I kneel down and pick up one of the pieces, cutting my finger on it so that it starts bleeding. Crap.

"Let me blow." Andy tells me, wrapping his little hands around my wrist. I'm close to crying and it has zero to do with the throbbing pain in my fingertip.

"I'll be right back." I croak, rushing up to the bathroom to put a band-aid on my finger. My mind is racing, fear spreading though me. I hate it so much when Andy starts with the daddy-questions. It makes me feel so awkward and neither Alice nor I have figured out how to explain thing to him.

When I come down again Andy is playing with one of his cars, letting it race between the pieces of broken plates.

"Please, don't play here. Mommy doesn't want you to hurt yourself with the shards."

"Hmm," he mumbles, sticking his thumb between his lips. "Is Uncle Edward my daddy? I need to know."

Kneeling down in front of him, I brush his curly hair out of his forehead and plant a kiss on it.

"No, he's not your daddy."

Andy's eyes widen and the disappointment on his face hurts me so much that for a few moments I'm finding it impossible to breathe. Then I manage to compose myself enough to speak again.

"But your Uncle Edward loves you very much…like he is your real daddy."

"Is my daddy going to visit me?"

I shake my head, turning around so that he can't see the tears in my eyes. Shit, this is exactly what I have been so afraid of all the time. It's the reason why I didn't want to have kids in the first place. Not that I could ever regret having Andy. He's my little prince, our little prince. My fingers touch the gold-framed picture of the three of us that is standing on the counter. Oh Alice, how much I miss you. I miss you so much that I don't have words for it.

My appetite is basically vanished completely when I place the Lasagna on the table. Mechanically I force myself to eat a bit of salad while I shove the Lasagna around on my plate. Andy eats and manages to smear half of his food around his mouth, until his entire chin is covered in red sauce.

Afterwards I help him to get ready for bed and sit down next to him to read him a fairytale. He loves everything that has to do with Pirates and my fingers brush over the ship that Alice has painted on the wall behind his bed.

"Momma will pick me up on Friday. Right?"

"Yes, Andy, she will, but now you need to sleep like a good boy. Okay?"

He rolls on his side, hugging his doll against his chest before I pull his blanket over him. Turning off the light I tiptoe out of his room and walk down to the kitchen.

I don't even bother with a glass when I take the bottle of wine out of the fridge. Greedily I swallow several mouthful of alcohol, feeling it warm my empty stomach and my wounded soul. If I keep going on like that I can join Leon at his AA meetings.

"Alice, come back to me." I whisper into the emptiness of the kitchen. "Please, come back to me, honey."

Sitting down on the cold floor, I wrap my arms around my knees, resting my head on them.

Her face appears in front of me, the tortured expression in her beautiful face when she told me that she wanted us to take a break. A break, she wanted a fucking break, because she and I had been constantly fighting over a million of unimportant nothings during the last months.

I should have fought harder. I should have asked her not to leave, should have told her that a break isn't going to change anything. But I was too stubborn, too thick-headed and as a result of that she has been living at Andrea's place for almost three endless weeks now.

My fingers caress the fragile wedding band on my left ring-finger. I love her. I'll always love her, I think, as I remember the moment when she placed the ring there during the ceremony. I love her and that for I need to find a way back to her.


	2. Chapter 2

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer.

[A/N] Wow, just wow – your incredible feedback on this sequel's first chapter has blown my mind. I love you all so much for being so supportive. Thank you, guys and girls!

**FAQ's**

How does Andy look like?

He's pretty tall for his age and has black, curly hair like Alice but brown eyes like Bella. If I find a visual role model for him, I'll let you know.

Could you make a sequel on Loving Mary Alice?

Thanks for your interest in that one. LMA is still one of my most popular stories ever but I also felt pressured while I was writing that one and was constantly scared to mess things up. I feel like AH stories like WTHN or IWR work better for me as a writer.

****2****

Just like in the last nights, I'm finding it difficult to sleep even with the help of the wine, I've had after dinner. Again and again, I turn around, checking my cell over a dozen times for a new text from her. There isn't any. I consider calling her but that would most likely make her furious if I woke her up at such a late time. Having another fight with her isn't going to help any bit with our current situation.

A break, how can she want us to have a break? Isn't that like the first step to a permanent break-up?

When I finally manage to fall asleep it is already dawning outside and shortly after my little son rushes into my room, tugging impatiently on my blanket.

"Wake up, Mommy! We need to get up!"

"Not yet," I mumble, pressing my face against my soft pillow. Crap, my head hurts. I really need to stop drinking that much alcohol. It's not good for me. My liver has enough to do dealing with all the artificial hormones, I'm taking.

"Mommy?"

"Sweetie, please go back to your room and let your poor Mommy sleep a bit more."

"But I'm awake. Look, I made you a picture."

He pulls out the drawing from behind his back, and I wonder if I probably miss some secret parental gene that helps figuring out what the circles and drops of color are supposed to be. Alice never needs to ask him. She always knows what Andy has tried to draw. Maybe it's, because her imagination is way better than my own.

"That's me and Uncle Edward when the police car did stop us. It has lights on and a siren. Isn't it cool?"

"The picture is pretty. Maybe we should give it to your Uncle Edward to remind him to drive more carefully in the future?"

Andy shakes his head, climbing underneath the blankets to cuddle against my side.

"Mommy, I miss Momma. My tummy hurts."

I sigh deeply, planting a kiss on his hair that resembles that of his mother so very much.

"I miss her too."

"My tummy hurts." he stats again and I wonder if I should call Carlisle to let him take a quick look at the little one. I don't think he's physically sick though, just terribly irritated because Alice moved out to stay at Andrea's place. I don't want him to suffer because the two of us are having problems.

"I'm sorry your tummy hurts. Maybe you're just hungry. Let's see if we find everything for pancakes in the kitchen."

"Yay!"

He's gone within seconds while it takes me a good while to manage to stand up. I swallow some aspirin in the bathroom before taking my estrogen pills. At least I don't need any more of those awful testo-blockers since my surgery.

The surgery – it was supposed to make everything easier and yet in a way it has managed to makes things even more complicated. I still hate the horrible dilating stuff and our sex life has practically fallen asleep completely over the last years. It is difficult to find time to make love when you have a little kid in the house.

I splash some water in my face and quickly apply some mascara and blush. With the make-up on I look a tiny bit better. At least I think I do.

In the kitchen, I check the phone for any missed calls before I start preparing some dough for pancakes. I'm not hungrier than last night but I still manage to eat a few bites for breakfast.

I'm going to call her.

No, I'm waiting for her to call first.

I should call her just to make sure she's okay. Erica and she are still not on best terms with each other.

My inner rambling goes on and on, making me feel dizzy in my head.

The doorbell rings, and I practically jump from my chair to rush for the door.

"Oh, it's you." I call out, unable to suppress the disappointment in my voice.

Edward smirks, running his fingers through his messy hair. One day, I will take this man to a hairdresser and if it's the last thing I'm going to do in my life.

"Sorry to disappoint you, beautiful. I guess, your reaction means that you and my cousin are still cross with each other."

"It's complicated. I don't know what to do."

"How about making the first step? Just call her and tell her that this whole - we need a break – is bullshit. You don't need a fucking break. What you and Alice need is to talk things out."

"And you know that why, because you are so very good at relationships?"

His eyes narrow at that. Yes, I know this comment was a no-go. Edward hasn't managed to stay together with the same woman for longer than a month since he divorced this Tanya bitch. My best friend is such a nice guy but he sure can pick them…

"Uncle Edward!"

"Hi, Andy, how's it going?"

"Kay," he mumbles while his thumb stays in his mouth the entire time. I don't like it that he does this thumb-sucking all the time. He's getting too old for it but for some reason he won't stop, no matter how often you tell him to. Alice says it doesn't matter but that's probably because she would love for him to stay a baby as long as possible.

Edward follows me into the kitchen where I pour him a cup of coffee. He sips on it, his forehead wrinkling in concentration like it always does when he's thinking too hard about what he's about to say.

"Alice loves you. You know that. Do you?"

"I'm not so sure anymore." I whisper as I turn around to load the dishwasher. "I'm not so sure about that anymore. It was too easy for her to leave."

"I don't think so," he tells me after a few moments. "And just for the record – she left because you let her go."


	3. Chapter 3

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Thanks to all of you who have decided to give my little story here a try. I know things are pretty hard for our girls at the moment but I promise they'll get better. You just need to have some trust in their love.

****3****

Edward suggests taking the little one to the park to give me some time to myself. Great, like I would want to spend any time alone in this house. I can't endure being alone. It only makes me think about Alice and those thoughts are so terribly painful.

"Call her," my best friend tells me again before he and Andy walk off. I nod my head and sigh deeply, sitting down on the steps outside for a few moments before I return back inside.

I haven't done any dilation for over two week now because usually Alice is here to remind me of this unpleasant duty. She's so very supportive about my situation and the possibility of losing her is pure torture for me.

In the kitchen I gulp down the rest of the wine that's in the bottle before throwing it in the trash. Then I make my way up to the bathroom, washing my hands carefully before I pull out all the necessary stuff.

Placing several towels on the floor, I step out of my underwear and lay down, forcing myself to go slow. It will hurt even more if I try to rush things.

The lube is unpleasantly cold and the weird, clinical smell of it makes me wrinkle my nose in disgust. Taking a deep breathe I start inserting the first dilator about an inch inside of me. Back and forth and round and round I shove the glass dilator into my expensively acquired vagina until the awful burning brings tears to my eyes.

Oh crap.

Finally, I manage to reach what I consider a halfway acceptable depth and stop. Turning over to my side, I close my knees and wait for the time to pass. When Alice is with me when I dilate she strokes my hair and whispers softly to me. Somehow that makes the whole dilating stuff less horrible.

Alice, oh Alice, please come back to me.

I cry against the towel under my head until I'm completely exhausted. Standing up, I clean the dilator and step underneath the shower to rinse the sticky remains of the lube off of me.

When I'm just about to dry myself off again, I can hear the phone ringing in down in the kitchen. With my hair still messy and wet, I rush down the stairs to get the call, but it's too late.

Wasn't a call from her anyway, just one from Emmett asking me if I'd be okay with him watching the Game over at my place tonight.

Like, I have time for unimportant stuff like watching sports right now.

I dial the number of Andrea's place but after the first ring I hang up again. I don't know what to say. I don't want to beg Alice to come home but in reality it's all I want to do. I love this stubborn woman so much; she's everything to me, maybe even more.

Mechanically I return to the bathroom and blow-dry my hair until it's falling down my shoulders in soft waves. Then I apply a bit more make-up than it would be necessary during daytime and dress in a navy blue dress. It's Alice's favorite on me. She always compliments the way it makes my skin look like.

"Mommy, we're back!" Andy calls out as he rushes into the living room and jumps on my lap.

"Hi, sweetie, did you have fun at the park?"

He nods his head and pulls out several little rocks to place them proudly on the table in front of us.

"Uncle Edward talked to a strange woman in the park. You need to tell him that it's forbidden to talk to strangers. He doesn't know it."

"I think your Uncle is old enough to take care of himself. Now, go and wash your hands."

When he's gone, Edward crosses his arms in front of his chest and looks at me full of expectation.

"And? Did you call her?"

"Are you my fucking babysitter? It's not your business—,"

"Not my business? Are you kidding me? Alice is family and you are my best friend, how can it not be my business whether the two of you work things out or not!"

"Mommy, why is Uncle Edward yelling at you?"

"It's nothing, sweetie. Tell him goodbye. He needs to leave now."

"Bye," he mumbles, sticking his thumb in his mouth to suck on it.

Edward sighs and waves his hand at us before he walks out. A minute later I can hear the engine of his car roaring to life.

"Are you fighting?"

"No, sweetie, we're not. You don't have to worry."

"But you and Momma were fighting. I heard you."

Kneeling down in front of him, I wipe a bit of mud from his cheek before I hug him tightly.

"We miss her a lot. Don't we, sweetie?"

"Yes,"

I stand up from the ground and grab my handbag, pulling my son outside with me. Rain is pouring down on us when I start driving a bit faster than it would be acceptable towards Andrea's house. She lives at the other side of town and I feel like the traffic is even worse today than on other days.

"Are we going to visit Nana and Erica?"

"Not exactly, Andy." I tell him when I eventually park the car in front of Andrea's house. "Not exactly,"

It takes me a few moments until I manage to get the awful trembling in my hands under enough control to open the door of the Volvo. Andy gets squeamish and starts kicking his shoes against the passenger's seat in front of him.

"Stop that right now!" I snarl at him a bit too roughly. Crap, now he's probably going to start crying. He's such a sensitive child.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. Your Mommy is just…" about to lose it completely would probably be a very fitting description. My nerves are blank as I step out the car and help Andy out of his seat.

I don't know what to expect when I knock on the door. All I know is that there is no way I'm going home again without her…


	4. Chapter 4

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Thanks for all the alerts and reviews. It makes me happy that some of you enjoy my little story here.

****4****

„Hi, Bella, what a nice surprise,"

Unable to bring out any kind of verbal response, I just nod my head while Andrea immediately focuses her attention on my son.

"Oh, sweetie, it's so nice that you came to visit me. Your Nana has missed you a great deal."

With quivering knees I follow the two of them inside the house where Andy climbs next to Erica on the couch.

She blows a bit over her freshly painted fingernails before she looks up at me with a grin.

"Morning, Bella, how's it going now that the princess has left you? I told you this was going to happen."

"Erica, that's enough." Andrea snarls at her while she places a bowl with some candy stuff in front of Andy.

"You're just on Alice's side because the princess is your kid but the truth is that she let Bella down. She's a selfish little brat and—,"

"Stop that." I croak. "Stop talking about her like that. You know nothing about Alice, nothing at all!"

"Both of you need to stop bitching around like that when the little one can hear you. Erica, for the last time now, let them handle out their problems on their own. It's their life not ours."

Erica's mouth twitches and I'm sure that she would love to say a lot more on the subject but she doesn't want to piss her girlfriend off. So, instead of making another comment she turns to Andy, waving her blue painted fingernails in front of his face.

"Aren't they pretty? They sparkle in the sunlight."

"So pretty, I want pretty nails too." he tells her, placing his hands on the table. Erica smiles and starts carefully applying a coat of bright blue nail polish on his fingernails.

"You need to let it dry before you touch anything."

"Hmm,"

"Andrea, where is Alice?" I finally manage to ask her after a few moments of awkward silence.

"Upstairs in the studio, she's practically spending 24/7 up there, painting. There is this rich Texan woman who has offered her a whole lot of money for some of her woks."

"Really? That's awesome."

"I don't know. I feel like she's working too hard. It's like she's constantly trying to proof something. I just don't get what."

I nod my head and walk up the stairs, being greeted by loud piano music when I open the door and step inside.

The scent of turpentine and fresh paint is dominant in the air as I take a deep breathe. My feet squeak loudly on the wooden floor and in that moment she turns around, having finally noticed me.

There is white paint on her black hair, a bit of red one on her shirt as well. It's way too big on her, making it painfully visible that she's lost several pounds since I saw her last.

"Alice," I mouth, closing the distance between us with a few unsteady steps. A moment later, she's in my arms, her delicate hands tight around my middle, her face pressed against my chest.

A dry sob escapes her mouth when I manage to maneuver us over to the ratty couch in the corner to sit down on it.

"Oh crap, now I've ruined your pretty dress with the paint."

"I don't care about the stupid dress. I care about you. I care about us. That's the reason I'm here."

She sniffs, wiping her running nose on her shirt before she tries to speak up. Her voice is hoarse, not much more than a whisper and through the loud music I can barely hear her speak at all.

"You still care about me?"

"Of course, I care. How can you doubt that?"

A low whimper escapes her lips as I lean forward to wipe a bit of paint and smeared mascara from her cheeks.

"I love you. I love you more than anything and you should know that."

"How? You haven't told me that you love me in forever. All we do is fighting about me being late for dinner or how we can't afford sending the little one to a private school or other crap like that. I'm so tired of that."

"You think, I don't love you anymore?"

"You never tell me you love me. You don't want to sleep with me either."

"That's nonsense. Look, I love you. I don't have to say it three times a day for it to be true. And as for our non-existent sex life, you're the one who isn't very fond of making love since the surgery."

"I'm scared of hurting you, of doing something wrong. It makes everything so complicated and then I don't really like the thought of Andy running into us while we're having sex. We never have any time for just us."

Slowly, I brush my fingertip over her upper lip, caressing its softness before I gently touch my mouth on hers. God, I missed her so much.

"Come home with me. We'll figure things out. I want us to stay together."

"I love you too. I love you more than my life and I missed you so much, so much."

I kiss her lips again, letting my fingers circle down her spine. Shit, she's so thin that I can feel her ribs when my hand moves under her shirt. Hasn't she been eating anything during our time apart?

"You lost weight."

"I didn't feel much like eating."

"Baby, you must eat. You are too thin. If you neglect yourself like that you make me worry about you."

"I'm good. Well, I'm good now that you are here."

"You could have just called me or come back home yourself. Andy is all confused since you moved out."

"I did not move out. I just needed some time to myself. I needed time to finish those awful paintings for Mrs. White. Crap, I don't even know what I needed. All I know is that I have missed you more than I can endure it."


	5. Chapter 5

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] I can't thank you enough for being such incredibly supportive readers. Your love for the characters in my story makes me feel so amazing.

**FAQ's**

How does Bella feel about her surgery? Does she regret it?

She thinks the decision was right, but I think, she didn't expect some things to be so difficult afterwards.

How long will Bella have to use the dilators?

For the rest of her life, unfortunately that's part of the deal. Does it hurt? Yes, most likely although it should get easier with time. Trying to avoid dilating like Bella does it, is not exactly helpful.

As usual, feel free to ask me questions, should you have any.

****5****

"Momma! Oh Momma, I missed you." Andy calls out, wrapping his hands around Alice's knees.

She leans down and hugs him, almost falling over when she lifts him up.

"I missed you too. And you've grown so much, sweetie. I can barely carry anymore."

"He's too heavy for you. Give him to me." I tell her, taking the little one from her again although he's protesting against it. He's missed her as much as I have. I will never let her go again, never.

We walk down the stairs and to my surprise Vicky is sitting next to Erica on the couch, her eyes hidden behind some huge sunglasses. In her hand there is a glass with brandy that she lifts to her lips every few seconds.

"Hey there, "she prattles at us. "Is there trouble in paradise? Erica says you've broken up."

"Erica knows shit." I snarl. Protectively I wrap my arms around Alice after putting the little one down. "Why don't you go and help your Nana in the kitchen," tell Andy, running my fingers over his hair.

"You let him wear nail polish? My parents would have beaten the crap out of me for that." Vicky mumbles before taking another sip from her drink. "Not that it matters anymore."

I've known Vicky long enough now to know that if she tells you something doesn't matter, it usually means the opposite. Behind her bitchiness lays a soul that has been wounded way too often.

"Well, then it's a good thing, Andy is not their kid. He can do whatever he likes. If he decides he'd rather be a girl, we let him." I tell her, trying to keep the emotion out of my voice. It's not her business how we raise our child anyway.

"Yeah, because it's so much fun to be freaks like us." Vicky laughs bitterly. "God, I'm so done with all this shit."

I sit down on the couch, pulling Alice on my lap. I grab the bowl with the candy from the table and feed her several pieces of chocolate. At least she's eating again. That's a good sign.

"Alice, are you going home with Bella and Andy, won't you?" Erica asks her, sounding a bit impatient. "We need the guestroom for Vicky."

"Why?" I ask Erica who grabs the sunglasses from Vicky's freckle-covered nose.

"That's why."

The bruises on both of her eyes are already turning into an ugly yellow. There is a cut underneath her right eye that has been stitched up with some kind of white tape.

"Shit. What happened to you? Did you report that to the police?"

She shakes her head, quickly putting the sunglasses on again.

"I don't want to. It would make James even angrier than he already is."

"James is a piece of shit and you should have left his sorry ass years ago."

"Maybe," Vicky whispers, emptying the glass of alcohol before she places it carefully on the table. There is a bandage around her wrist too. She pulls down the sleeve of her jacket, so that no one can see it. "But James is all I have."

"You're better off without him," Erica stats standing up to put the bottle with the alcohol away.

The situation is so awkward. I feel tempted to tell Vicky that something like that had to happen. James is a sadistic swine who treats Vicky like a slave. But I understand why she still loves him. He's all she knows, and it's not like it is too easy for her finding someone else. Maybe that's because I'm so scared to loose Alice.

"I want to go home. Vicky probably needs some rest and Andy is pretty lively."

We tell them goodbye and Andrea pulls me aside for a moment while Alice helps Andy into his car seat.

"Bella, I know that it's not my business. But I can't endure seeing the two of you so miserable. Maybe you should consider talking to someone professional. You're still going to that therapist, right?"

I shake my head. "I stopped a few weeks after the surgery. "I don't feel like I need it anymore."

"Bella, the surgery has fixed nothing inside your head. You need help to deal with the changes. It's not over just because you have the right set of genitalia now."

"But I want it to be over. I want to be normal. I just want—,"

"Mommy, are you coming?"

I hug Andrea and sit down on the passenger's seat.

"Momma, you need to drive really fast." Andy informs her, leaning forward in his set. "Mommy doesn't want to do it. But I really want the police to stop us."

"Did I miss something?" Alice asks me as she starts the engine. "The police stopped you?"

"Not me, Edward. You know how he drives likes. Andy found the whole incident incredibly funny. He likes everything that has to do with police stuff."

"Really? I wonder where he got that from."

"Don't you dare to compare our son to _him_. Charlie has made it pretty clear that he doesn't want anything to do with his…freak of a _son_." I practically spite the last word out. I hate everything that has to do with Brian. He's like a ghost who won't disappear. My papers may have been changed but he's still there. I want him to be gone forever. But on the other hand, if it wasn't for him, Alice and I wouldn't have a child together.

"I think you should write to your parents."

"No,"

"But they have a right to know that they have a grandchild. They'd love the little one."

I grab my handbag on my lap so tightly that my knuckles turn white. I don't know why she's bringing up that topic again. It makes me furious, and I don't want us to start fighting again. Not so shortly after finally making up after these horrible weeks apart.

"I'm sorry." Alice whispers after a few moments. "I shouldn't have mentioned Charlie and Renee. I know it hurts you to think about your parents."


	6. Chapter 6

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] I hope, some of you are still enjoying my little project here, and you'll like the new update. Thanks for taking the time to read my story. I appreciate it a lot.

****6****

The little one is so exhilarated about Alice being home again that it takes us forever to get him to sleep when it's bedtime.

Afterwards we sit in the kitchen, my lovely wife nibbling on a cold piece of the pizza we ordered earlier. I sip very slowly on the glass of wine in my hand, determined that tonight this has to be the only one. But the thing is that I'm tensed and drinking alcohol helps me to relax better.

"I missed you."

"I missed you more. It made me all miserable when you walked out on me." I tell her, taking another sip from the wine. Warmth is starting to fill my stomach and instinctively I reach for the bottle, pouring a bit more into my glass.

"You let me go." Alice whispers, carefully placing her doll-like hand on mine. "It hurt me that you would let me go."

"What was I supposed to do? How could I hold you back?"

"You just had to say the word. It wasn't that difficult. But please, let's not talk about this now. I'm so glad to be home again. I was miserable without you and the little one."

Pulling her on my lap, I let my lips wander down her jaw, sucking gently on the sensitive skin on her collarbone. I suck hard like I want to mark her irrevocably as mine.

"Should we take this upstairs?" I ask her, letting my hand move under her shirt.

She whimpers against my lips as I kiss her mouth and lift her up to carry her to our bedroom. It feels so good to have her back here. I missed her more than I have words.

"We don't have to," she tells me when she starts stroking down my chest, her fingertips fumbling clumsy with the buttons of my shirt. I place my hand around hers, cupping her cheek in my other one.

"I want to show you how much I want you. Let me. Okay?"

I push her carefully against the fluffy pillows on the bed and start undressing her teasingly slow. My fingers massage her feet, feather-lightly stroking up her calves and thighs. Then I lower my mouth to blow kisses right above the fabric of her thong. The tip of my tongue dips into her belly-button to taste the salty skin of her body. Fuck, I missed this so much. I missed her so much, all of her.

Moving my hands higher, I caress her breasts, turning their tips into hard nubs. When I close my lips around one of them a few seconds later she whimpers, fisting her hands into my hair to pull me even closer to her.

"My beautiful, beautiful, sexy wife," I murmur against the warm skin on her stomach. She moans as my hand finally glides between her legs again, my thumb rubbing over the fabric of her underwear. The material is moist against my fingers. She's wet and when I shove the fabric aside to touch her directly I can feel her essence dripping over my fingertips.

"Oh Bella, yes…oh fuck…"

My thumb circles over the pulsing pearl of her clit while I start thrusting first two, then three fingers inside of her as deeply as possible. Rotating them around I eventually find that sweet spot in her that makes her thighs shake as her release washes over her. In her lust, she's nothing but beautiful. I could watch her climax forever.

"I love you," she tells me breathlessly. "I love you. I love you."

I close my eyes as her hands cup my breasts through my shirt to massage them tenderly. My insides are warm, my clit a nervous pulse between my thighs that makes me instinctively rub myself against her bare thigh.

"Turn on your stomach," Alice whispers, her hands stroking down my spine.

I do what she tells me and close my eyes, enjoying how her fingers fumble my skirt up and my panties down my legs. Her touch is soft as she moves her warm palms over my backside, circling closer to the middle with ever movement.

"We still have that warming lube. Right?" she asks me, searching around in the nightstand. A moment later a bit of it trickles down the crack of my ass. Shivers go throughout me. My stomach is in a knot while one of her slick fingers starts gently to circle up and down.

"Am I doing this right? You still like it when I touch you here. Don't you?"

I moan, getting up on my knees so that her finger can finally reach the sensible puckered hole of my behind. I love it way too much when she's touching me here. It feels forbidden and yet so very natural and right at the same moment.

"Try to relax."

Her finger glides smoothly through the tight ring of muscles. While she starts thrusting it deeper in and out of me with every movement, her lips find my neck.

"Let go, Bella. Just let go. Let go."

Her other hand reaches around and very lightly she starts massaging my clit between two of her fingers. She's still so very careful when she's touching me here, like she's afraid I could accidentally break like a porcelain doll.

My eyes roll back in my head as she adds a second finger to the first one, scissoring them inside of my ass. I whimper against the pillow in front of my face and with a suffocated groan I come hard. My clit throbs, my muscles clench around her fingers as the spasms of my climax rock through my body. The feeling is overwhelming, raw and hungry. It brings tears to my eyes.

"Shit, did I hurt you? Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry." Alice pulls me against her chest, kissing away some wetness from underneath my eyes.

I shake my head, assuring her huskily that she has not hurt me with her touch.

"I love you, baby." I mouth into her ear before sleep finally overpowers me.


	7. Chapter 7

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Somehow I feel like this story is not doing very well. I try not to give up on it though. I love the characters in it way too much to do so. Thanks to those of you who are still will me. I cherish your support a lot.

****7****

The next Morning comes way too soon. Tiredly I turn around on the bed, noticing the empty place next to me. She's gone.

Panic spreads through me as I jump up. I quickly throw a sundress over my head and try to braid my tangled hair.

"Alice?" I call downstairs and when her light voice greets me cheerfully, I sigh in relief. After washing my face, I apply some mascara and swallow my medication. My head hurts again, but it's tolerable. A bit of fresh air will probably help.

"Morning Mommy! We're making omlette."

I hug Alice from behind and push her curls over her shoulder to press my lips against her neck. There is a red mark on her milky-white skin, next to a second one. Shit, I really marked her last night.

"You were gone when I woke up." I whisper, kissing underneath her ear.

"I wanted you to get a bit more rest and so I took the little one down here when he came to our room."

"Okay," I mumble, sitting down to drink a bit of the coffee she's made for us.

Andy climbs on my lap and starts racing one of his cars all over the kitchen table.

"Sweetie, please go and play in your room. We'll call you when breakfast is ready."

I kiss his nose and he wrinkles it instantly.

"No kissies."

"Too bad," I tell him as he walks off.

When the little one is out of sight, Alice clears her throat awkwardly.

"Look, there is something, I'd like to talk about with you. Please, promise me not to be mad at me."

"I try to."

She sits down next to me and takes my hand in hers, rubbing her fingertips gently over my knuckles.

"I want us to see someone professional. Our relationship is too important to me that I'm willing to risk it. Things are so complicated at the moment."

Blowing a kiss over the back of her hand I tell her that I'm okay with doing some counseling. Right after we've finished breakfast, I call Zafrina Hayley's office to make an appointment. There is actually one free this afternoon and although I'm close to chicken out, I tell her secretary to book it.

"We'll need a babysitter for the little monster." Alice says, her eyes focused on one of her paintings. I don't like it when she works in the living room, everything smells of paint afterwards, but I bite my tongue. I don't want us to fight over stuff like that again.

"Andrea said you have a new admirer of your work."

"Hmm, Mrs. White seems very fond of my paintings. Even of those that I didn't like myself. She's trying to talk me into coming to Dallas to do an exhibition in her Gallery."

"Really? That's fantastic. Isn't that what you've hoped for? Why are you hesitating?"

"Andy. You. Do, you need any more reasons? Plus, I'm scared that a whole lot of people are going to look at my paintings. What if they hate them?"

I pull her on my lap and hold her close against my chest

"You're a very talented artist and you have nothing to be afraid of. If you want me to come with you, I will."

"What about Andy?"

"I'm sure Andrea will love to babysit him for a few days. Or we could ask Edward."

"My cousin is going to let him eat marshmallows for breakfast and watch Action movies all day long. He's not really doing that good at the whole responsibility thing."

"You're probably right about that. Do you think that's the reason, why he doesn't manage to have a proper relationship?"

She shakes her head and stand up to continue working on her painting. I watch her fascinated, admiring how she manages to turn the yellow and red colors into a breathtaking sunset.

Time is running out and I drive the little one to Esme's place because she's the only one who has time to look after Andy while we see the therapist. Esme's pretty smitten with him. Andy is good at making people, especially women like him. Even Erica loves him dearly and she's not very good with kids usually.

I cringe when Esme makes a comment about the nail polish on Andy's fingers but she instantly apologizes for it right after when she sees the look on my face.

"Is the little one, is he…is he like you?"

I shrug my shoulder and swallow hard.

"I don't think so. He never says he wants to be a girl but when you ask him if he's wants to be boy or girl, he says he wants to be Andy. I'm okay, with whatever he decides to be. All I want is for my child to be happy. Does that make any sense?"

"Oh it sure does. I'm always worried about Edward. He should have found himself a new wife by now. Boy is not willing to grow up. Or that..slu…that woman broke his heart too bad."

"Maybe," I mumble, twisting a wisp of my hair around my fingers.

"Bella, there is something else that I wanted to ask you. Carlisle and I are arranging a little celebration for our anniversary. You and Alice are welcome to come too. But, I know you don't like going back to Forks too much."

"I don't like going anywhere I'm going to run into my parents. They hate me."

"Renee doesn't hate you. A mother can never hate her kid. As for your father, he's a very old-fashioned man. Too old-fashioned if you ask me."

"Yeah, probably, I'll ask Alice if she wants to go. Are you inviting Charlie and Renee too?"

"She's in Florida now, living with another man. At least that was what Mrs. Cope told Carlisle when he was there the last time. Charlie took it pretty bad. He's drinking again and no one wants to be near him when he's like that."

"I know," I whisper, trying to shove the unpleasant memories aside. It's not working very well though…


	8. Chapter 8

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Thanks to those of you who are so incredible supportive of my writing. It means so much to me to know you by my side.

FAQ's

Will Charlie make an appearance soon?

Yes, he will. Has anyone missed him?

****8****

Zafrina's office is painted in a bright yellow color now but I remember the wooden statues that are standing around from my last visit here. My heart is in my mouth, my palms sweating. Somehow this feels a bit like seeing a dentist for the first time in years.

"Can I see a picture of the little one?" she asks Alice who quickly pulls one out of her purse. Our therapist smiles, exposing a bit too much of her pearly-white teeth, before she hands the picture back to my wife.

"He's a cute kid."

"He is." I mumble, placing my hand on Alice's in her lap. Shit, why am I so terribly nervous? I shouldn't be nervous. Right?

"Is there anything in particular that the two of you would like to discuss with me?"

"Yes."

"No." I croak. Damn it, why do I get the impression that Alice is way better prepared for this meeting than me. How long has she been secretly thinking about this?

"Fine, Alice," Zafrina says after a moment. "Tell me what you'd like to talk about."

Alice takes a sip from her drink and sighs deeply.

"I want to know why we're always fighting. It's so tiresome."

"What are you fighting about?" Zafrina asks, scrawling down some notes on a note pad. "Is it always about the same thing?"

"No, we're basically arguing over everything." I mumble, rubbing my thumb over Alice's cold fingers. "Me doing all the housework, and about the fact that Alice can never call me, when she's going to be late for dinner. It annoys me that she has her painting equipment all over the house. I—,"

"Are you done complaining about me?" Alice squeaks, her voice breaking. She pushes my hand away and moves a bit further away from me on the couch.

"Baby, I didn't mean it like that." I whisper nervously.

"Yeah, sure,"

"Alice, are you mad at Bella?"

"She makes me look bad, like everything is my fault. She's the one who has changed."

"How so?"

"She means my surgery."

"No, I don't mean the surgery. For everything that is not working in our marriage you're blaming the fucking SRS. I wished you'd never…crap, I shouldn't have said that."

Her face pales, her lips tremble but now that the words have been spoken, she can't take them back. I stand up, dropping a glass with pencils down to the ground.

"You loved me more when I was a freak? Why? Because you like the kink?"

"Bella, sit down. Breathe. Both of you seem pretty tensed to me. I assume that's the reason why you are fighting so often over unimportant things. You need to learn to be more open with each other."

"That won't work." Alice sobs, wiping tears from her eyes. "Bella gets so agitated whenever I mention anything that has to do with her surgery. I love her. I'll always love her but I feel like we're drifting apart."

I swallow another sip from my coffee, wishing I could have some brandy in it right now. That would probably help to calm my nerves a bit.

"I love Alice. I don't want to lose her."

"I don't want to lose you." She whispers softly.

"Well, that's a start. I'll see you next week. Senna will set up an appointment. For our next meeting I want each of you to write a list on five things you like and dislike about the other one. Good luck to you."

We walk out of her office and the entire ride to Esme's house there is some awkward, barely endurable silence between us.

"Are you angry?" I ask her when I park the car behind Carlisle's new Mercedes.

"No, I'm not, just sad somehow."

"Me too, do you really regret that I had the surgery?"

"It was what you wanted. I don't care what's between your legs. What I don't like is seeing you in pain."

"It's not that bad."

"Liar." she murmurs. "Have you forgotten that I've been with you while you used your dilators? You cried. It hurt so much that you cried."

I nod my head and step out of the car. Andy is sitting on the porch, trying to feed some daisies to Esme's cat while she's reading some magazine.

"Look, who came to pick you up, honey."

"Mommy! Momma! Can we go and have some ice-cream now?"

"If you want to. Thank you, Esme, for watching him."

"Anytime, Bella, it was my pleasure. He's such a dear boy."

"That he is. Andy, say good bye to Aunt Esme."

"Bye. Bye, Muffin. Next time you need to eat what I give you."

When we sit down inside the ice-cream parlor half an hour later, I'm still too agitated to eat anything myself. Alice and Andy have some ice-cream although most of his lands on his shirt and his chin instead of his mouth. It's cute though. Suddenly there is a big hand on my shoulder, making me turn around so abruptly that I hit my knee on the table. Crap, that's going to leave a bruise, a big one.

"How's it going? What's the stuffed-in dick doing?"

I roll my eyes at Emmett's comment and pull him into a one-armed hug.

"We're fine. How's Rose? She must be due pretty soon. Right?" Alice asks him curiously, licking some Vanilla ice-cream from her spoon.

"It's four more weeks, and I honestly can't wait for it. I can't endure her mood swings any longer. It's like being married to fucking Pregozilla."

"It can't be that bad." I tell him, pulling out a tissue to clean Andy's face.

"You have no idea." he says, exhaling through his teeth. "It was nice seeing you, ladies. Andy, give me five. Shit, is that nail polish?"

"It sparkles."

"Sparkling is for girls, Andy. Do you want to be a girl?"

"No, I'm Andy."

"Kay, if you say so. Take good care of you mommies."

Andy nods and for a moment, my three-year-old looks like he's aware of the unknown meaning behind those words.


	9. Chapter 9

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Thanks for your encouraging reviews. It makes me happy that some of you are so supportive of my writing.

****9****

In the middle of the night I wake up, noticing that Alice is not snoring peacefully at my side. Where is she?

I tiptoe down the stairs, finding her painting downstairs in the living room. She has some earplugs in and is humming to whatever song she's listening to right now. For a few moments I just stand and watch her work, fascinated by the way she seems to be totally absorbed in the painting in front of her.

It must have been forever since I paid a lot of attention to her works. Maybe that's a mistake. She's told me once that she's way better at painting her feelings than putting them into words.

Eventually, I place my arm on hers and blow a kiss right underneath her hairline.

"Hey," she tells me in a soft voice when she turns around. I kiss her nose very lightly and brush a paint covered curl out of her forehead.

"Did I wake you up? I tried to be quiet."

"No, you didn't. I woke up and you were gone. I didn't like it."

"I need to finish those paintings, and I couldn't sleep anyway, so I thought I make better use of the time."

I sit down on the couch and pet the place next to me, telling her to sit down for a moment and take a little break.

"You should go back to bed."

Shaking my head, I stretch my arms and legs for a moment before pulling her against my chest.

"You know, I love you. Do you? I hate that we're fighting so often."

"I'm sorry about that." I whisper, nuzzling my face against her neck.

A low sob reaches my ear and a heartbeat later she starts crying in my arms. Her body quivers and seeing her so broken feels like getting not one but a thousand knifes stabbed right into my heart.

"How could this happen to us? We love each other!"

"Alice, please stop crying. Everything is going to be okay. We'll be okay again. I promise."

"You were mad at me in Zafrina's office. I saw the look in your eyes when I made that comment about your surgery."

I sigh, taking several deep breaths through my nose before I speak up.

"You hurt me with that. More than with anything else you could have said. The surgery meant so much to me. I've dreamed about that for such a long time."

"I know. Don't you think, I fucking know that? But I see how you suffer, still although it has been three years now and the way you changed. You're so…embittered kind of."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't, I have no right to take out my bad moods on you. I love you. I don't know why I'm that way."

I cry, covering my face with my trembling hands. Tears pour down my cheeks and I wipe them away, one after the other. I want a drink. I need one.

"I'll be right back." I croak, heading to the kitchen where I pull the last bottle of white wine from the fridge. I fill a glass and gulp the entire content down within seconds, before pouring myself a second glass.

"What are you doing?"

How does it look like?

"I thought you'd like to have some wine too. It helps me to relax."

She takes the glass from my hands and pours the wine into the sink.

"I hate it when you drink alcohol and you know it."

"It's just wine. Please, I don't want to fight again."

I wrap my arms around Alice, when she tries to turn away from me, lifting her up on the counter behind her. My lips find hers and I can hear her gasp into my mouth when she tastes the wine on my tongue.

"You can't drink when you are mad."

"Stop talking." I groan against her neck while my hands move under her shirt to cup her breasts. Soft and warm they are against my cold hands and I can feel how her nipples harden instantly.

"Bella, please, we need to talk."

I don't want to discuss my drinking habits with her because quite frankly there isn't anything to talk about. I like wine. It helps me to relax. There is nothing wrong with that. It's not like I'm an alcoholic like Charlie. I would never—

"Bella, stop, I can't. Not like this. Not now."

I drop my hands from her and turn around, fighting the urge to lift the bottle with the wine directly to my mouth. I want to drown all my pain in it. Maybe it would work. Instead I pour the content of the bottle into the sink. When I speak up again, my voice is cold like ice.

"See? There goes the thirty bucks of wine, Edward gave us for Christmas. I'm going to take a shower, if I'm still allowed to."

"Don't be angry now. It's not like I don't feel flattered about your sudden interest in me. It's just, I don't want us to be angry at each other when we make love. It doesn't feel right to me."

Nodding my head, I put the glass into the dishwasher and head for the stairs when I feel her small hand on mine.

"Can I come with you, only if you want me to of course?"

I lift her up, trying to keep my balance with her legs wrapped around my waist. I wished I could take her against the stairs. Unlike her I like it when we have sex after fighting. There's something about it that is incredibly arousing.

In the bathroom our clothes end next to the laundry basket in the corner. The water of the shower is warm and I start to feel even warmer when Alice starts pressing her wet body against mine. I just hold her close to me, enjoying the way her heart beats against my skin.

"Don't leave me again." I whisper softly, rubbing some body wash down her back. "Promise me not to leave me again. It broke my heart."


	10. Chapter 10

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] I want to thank all of you for your comments on this little fic. It makes me happy to know how much you care about the characters in my story.

FAQ's

Why does the dilating hurt Bella so much?

Several reasons – she might have some scarring from the surgery and then there's the problem that she's not exactly relaxed when she uses the dilators.

****10****

I nibble nervously on the end of my pen, unable to bring down any words on the sheet of paper in front of me.

Finally I give up, crumbling the paper into a ball that I threw against the wall at the other side of the room.

"You can't throw things inside the house. It's not allowed."

A chuckle leaves my throat as I lean down to plant a kiss on my three-year-old's forehead.

"You're right, sweetie. I shouldn't have done that."

"We can play ball outside. You promised to show me how to catch."

"Later, Andy, I need to finish this…stuff first."

"Hmm," he murmurs, turning his attention back to his coloring book.

I walk into the kitchen and mechanically I open the fridge to get myself a drink. Then I remember pouring the last wine we had into the sink. Crap, I bet a bit of alcohol would have surely helped me to relax a bit.

Stuffing a leftover piece of apple pie between my lips I lean back against the table behind me. The caramel crust is sweet on my tongue, it's one of my grandma Marie's favorite recipes.

I close my eyes for a moment and the memory flashes through me before I can stop it.

"_Baking cake? Are you trying to turn my son into a sissy, Mom?"_

"_It's not like that, Charlie. He just likes to be in the kitchen with me. There isn't anything wrong with the little one."_

"_He's too girly. I should hit some sense into his weird little brain. Brian, come here!"_

"_Don't you dare to lay a hand on the poor boy! You're just agitated like that because you've had too much to drink."_

"_This is my house, and if I want to have a fucking beer I have one!"_

My eyes fall open and with shaking knees, I sink down on the kitchen ground. I start crying, my tears smearing the carefully applied eye-makeup all over my face. I hate my father. I never wanted to be like him when I grew up. I'd rather be dead. As for the drinking, I make a secret vow to myself to stay away from the wine, at least for a while.

"Mommy, why are you crying?"

"It's nothing, sweetie. Your Mommy is just being silly." I tell him, wiping a bit of make-up from my cheeks, before I head for the bathroom where I try to clean myself up again.

"Can we play now?" Andy asks me, impatiently when I return downstairs. I nod my head and for the next hour I manage not to waste one single thought on all the stressing things in my life.

Both, me and my little son are watching an episode of Sponge Bob when Alice eventually returns from her visit to Andrea.

"Hey there," she greets us cheerfully, leaning another painting against the back of the couch.

I wrap my arms around Alice's middle and pull her on my lap, pressing my lips against her collarbone.

"Mommy showed me how to catch but I'm not good at it."

"I'm sure you're doing fine, honey."

"No, I don't. But it's because Mommy is a girl and girls can't throw right."

"Who told you that?" I ask him, secretly thrilled about his comment.

"Emmett." he says before resting his head against Alice's leg. She strokes his hair and within a couple of minutes he drifts into sleep, his thumb as usually inside his mouth to suck on it.

"He's such a dear child." I whisper into Alice's ear. "I'm glad you decided to have him."

"We decided to have him." she tells me, planting a tender kiss on my lips.

"Andy is like the best of both of us."

"I don't feel like there is too much good about me. In the last time, I've made so many mistakes. No wonder, you'd felt like running away from me."

"I shouldn't have that. It was wrong. Being separate from each other, won't help us deal with our problems."

"You're right about that."

Carefully I stand up from the couch while Alice pulls a blanket over the little one. I should carry him up to his room, but then he'll probably wake up again.

"Do you want some tea?" I ask Alice when we walk into the kitchen. She nods her head and sits down, fumbling an envelope out of her jacket.

"Mrs. White sent me a ticket to Dallas, First class and shit. That woman must be pretty desperate to get her paintings."

"She has good taste in Art." I tell her, placing tea bags into two mugs. "I'm happy you've found someone who wants to invest some serious money into your work."

"I don't know and Mrs. White seems a bit egocentric to me. People with too much money tend to be weird sometimes."

"I'm flying with you to Texas, if that makes you feel more comfortable. My credit card should survive those extra expenses without too severe damage."

"None sense. I'll just change that first class ticket into two economy class ones."

"Good idea."

I add some sugar to her tea before I hand it to her.

"Did you finish your list yet?"

"What kind of list?"

"The one we're supposed to do for our next Therapy session. You haven't forgotten about it. Have you?"

She shakes her head and takes a careful sip from her hot drink.

"I don't need to write it down. I know what I love about you."

"And that is?" I whisper barely audible.

"I love that you always support me no matter what I do. I love how you make me feel safe when you hold me in your arms. I love how you fight for your right to be who want to be. I love the way you take care of our boy. I love the way you look at me like I'm the best thing that ever happened to you."

"You are the best thing that ever happened to me, never doubt that." I tell her before pulling her into a breathless kiss.


	11. Chapter 11

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Sorry for taking so long to update. I'm not feeling very well at the moment and it's not having a good influence on my creativity.

Thanks for all your lovely reviews. They mean a lot to me.

****11****

My mood gets worse with every mile we're getting closer to our destination. Forks, my hometown, isn't exactly my favorite place to go. It holds too many painful memories for me. Memories I prefer avoiding at any cost.

The little one is whiny today and keeps kicking his feet against my seat.

"Alice, tell him to stop that for crying out loud!" I snarl, stepping on the breaks a bit too abruptly.

"Sweetie, please, just try being a good boy and keep drawing in your coloring book."

"It's boring. My neck is itchy. Can I take off that tie?"

"But sweetie, it looks so cute on you. Doesn't it look cute on him, Edward?"

He mumbles something between his teeth and sighs deeply. By now, I'm sure he's already regretting it deeply that he decided to drive to Forks together with us. At least he hasn't made a comment about me driving too slowly. If he starts with that again, he can take the fucking bus.

"Edward, doesn't little Andy look like the cutest child ever?"

"Alice, you know that the boy is not a doll. Do you?"

"What's wrong with wanting my kid to look cute? It's not too early to influence his sense of fashion."

Edward snickers and Alice leans forward to hit him on the head with her handbag.

"You are stupid." my wife tells her cousin, sticking her tongue out like a little brat.

"Mommy! Momma is hitting Uncle Edward!"

"Can't the two of you behave in front of the child? I don't want him to hit other kids in kindergarten."

"But when someone is mean to me, it's okay to hit them. Right, Mommy?"

I shake my head and park the car in front of the Cullen's house. When I step outside I try to keep my eyes from my parent's home. It's not like I want to run into my father. The last time we met was unpleasant enough for me.

"Mommy, Mommy, there is a police car! Can I go and take a look?"

I lift Andy up and carry him to the door. "No, sweetie, we're here to visit your aunt Esme and uncle Carlisle."

"But I want to look at that police car! Please, Mommy."

"Maybe later, Andy." Edward tells him, running his hand over the boys head.

Esme is a darling today and introduces me to all of her guests as "her niece's wife".

Most of them are people from Seattle, only a handful are old friends of them from Forks. Nobody seems to recognize me and that makes me feel joyful.

Then my eyes met those of a curly-haired woman across the room. She's still more hair than face, her hips are a bit rounder now and like the last time we saw each other, she's wearing too pink lip-gloss.

"Brian? Crap, is that you?" she asks when she walks over to greet me.

"Jessica. How nice to meet you," I say in the same tone I'd tell her to fuck off.

"Wow, you really look different."

"Please, keep your voice low. It's not like I'd wish to discuss my private life with all of Forks."

She nods her head and follows me and Alice to the kitchen where I gulp down a glass of champagne that's standing on a tray.

"And you must be Brian's wife then."

"Hi, I'm Alice and _her_ name is Bella." Alice's voice is sharp like a knife and in that moment she seems like a tiny but incredibly brave lioness to me. I love her so much.

"Bella, such a nice name you've chosen. Did Bri…I mean, Bella, did he…ahm…did she tell you we used to date back in High school?"

I can feel Alice stiffen next to me. Crap, she's not going to be jealous now, is she?

"That was in another life," I whisper, taking another glass of champagne to take a greedy sip.

"Whatever. I liked being with you a lot. What woman doesn't want a boyfriend who enjoys looking at fashion magazines for hours?"

Edward comes in, taking the glass out of my protesting hands.

"You had enough, princess."

I nod my head, knowing that he's right. It's not like I want to get drunk in his parents' house. That would be so embarrassing. My problem is that I'm so tensed. Meeting my ex-girlfriend here wasn't something I had expected. Why is she here anyway? Oh right, Jessica's mom used to be Carlisle's secretary.

"Where is the boy?"

"Andy? I thought he was with you." Alice calls out, her face turning pale.

Andy, sweetie, come here!"

Edward and I search through the entire house, finding even a couple making out in his old room, but unfortunately no sight of my son.

"Where is he? He knows that he can't go anywhere without us. Why didn't you look after him properly?"

"Bella, I am not his Nanny. You and Alice treat him like a baby, but sometimes boys like being a bit adventurous."

"When he gets hit by a car, or someone hurts him, I will fucking kill you, Cullen." I sob. He pulls me against his chest and hums something in my ear to calm me down again.

"Everything is going to be fine. We'll find him. He can't be far."

I wipe some tears from underneath my eyes and when I blink out of the window I see Andy standing next to Charlie's cruiser in the driveway.

"Andy!" I call out, rushing down the stairs and outside. "Andy, I told you not to go here. Why can't you listen to what your Mommy tells you?"

Lifting him up, I lose my balance and tumble backwards against the hood of the car.

"Mommy, are you mad at me?"

"Yes! I was worried about you, when I couldn't find you in the house."

"But I was just looking at the police car. It's so cool. Look, it has these little blue lights all over."

"Don't touch the cruiser, kid."

I turn around and when I see Charlie's face, I drop down to the ground like there is no single bone left in my legs.

"Mommy, are you sick?"

"No, sweetie, it's nothing. Let's just go back to the house. It's too cold to stay outside."

Charlie's eyes wander from me to the little one and back again. I hate that I've inherited this muddy brown eye-color from him. Andy's are the same shade. The only thing he inherited from me instead of Alice.

"That's your boy?" my father finally asks and when I nod my head, he kneels down and holds his hand out to Andy.

"Hi, I'm Chief Swan and who are you?"


	12. Chapter 12

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Thanks for your reviews. It makes me happy that some of you are supporting me on this journey. Your love for my writing means a lot to me.

****12****

I am numb, unable to take another breathe until my lungs starts hurting painfully. Seeing, my son so close to the man I used to call father is too overwhelming.

"Andy," he whispers. "I'm Andy Brandon,"

"It's nice to meet you, Andy. I'm Charlie. Do you like police cars?"

My son nods and eventually I find my own speech again. I place my hand on Andy's shoulder to pull him away from Charlie.

"Sweetie, go back inside the house. It's too cold here for you without your jacket."

"Hmm,"

"Do what Mommy tells you." I say, trying to keep my voice as light as possible.

He waves his hand at Charlie and runs off towards the Cullen's house. I can see Alice hugging him in the doorframe before she pulls him inside.

"You make the boy call you Mommy? That's the sickest shit, I've ever heard."

"It's none of your business, Charlie." I hiss through my teeth. "My child is none of your fucking business."

He chuckles and starts playing with the ends of his moustache, twisting the coarse hair around his fingertips.

"He's my grandchild. I never thought I'd have one from that freak of a son I put into this world."

"You never had a son," I whisper, turning around. My knees are weak, and I can feel the tears burning in my eyes. Don't cry, just don't cry.

"Brian! Brian, wait!"

I stop and very slowly I turn around to face my father again. His lips are a tight line, his hands fisted inside the pocket of his jacket.

"That's not my name, not anymore."

"It's the name I gave you for fucks sake, you stubborn little freak."

"Stop talking to Bella in that tone, Mr. Swan." Alice growls wrapping her arms around my trembling body.

"You may call my son whatever you want, little Missy. It won't change who he is. _What_ he is."

"And what the fuck is she to you? Nothing! You don't even want to get to know her. Let me tell you she's the most caring, loving, amazing woman in the entire world. I can't believe she's from a piece of shit like you."

"Alice, you don't have to defend me." I croak, wiping some tears from my cheeks. "Let's just go back inside the house."

"I'm not finished talking to you, son!"

"Mr. Swan, stop yelling. Do you want to alarm the entire neighborhood?"

Charlie sighs and gestures toward his house behind him.

"Can we talk inside then?"

"Do you really want to talk or just keep on insulting my wife with your mean comments?"

He spites out on the ground and clears his throat loudly.

"Just talking,"

I nod my head and take Alice's hand while I follow him inside the house I haven't set one foot in for several years now.

Inside it smells of dirty dishes and beer. The entire place is a pigsty.

Charlie shoves some clothes from the couch and points for us to sit down.

Alice tightens the grip around my hand, and I'm incredibly grateful she's here with me. She makes me feel stronger than I am.

"Place is a mess. I don't have time for this housework stuff with my crappy hours."

"Are you sober?" I ask, noticing the empty bottles of beer on the table.

He grabs all of them and carries them to the kitchen to throw them in the trash.

"I hadn't had one fucking beer in three days. Do you know you much I wanted to have one?"

"No," I mumble although deep inside of me, I can understand his behavior for the first time in my life. Drinking helps me to relax better. Maybe it is the same for him?

"Mom left you. Esme mentioned something about her having moved to Florida."

"She's a slut. Renee left me to fuck the shit out of this guy who's young enough to be her kid."

"I'm sorry she left you. It must be hard."

"I don't give a shit. All we did was fighting all day long. It was getting tiresome."

His eyes move down my body, from my face to my feet that are in a pair of expensive high heels today.

"This is not normal." he mumbles reaching out his hand to run it over my jaw and throat. "Smooth like a baby's ass. How the fuck did you manage that?"

"Electrolysis," I mumble towards the ground. Why does he want me even to be inside the house? He hates me. He hates what I am.

"Bella, do you want us to leave?" Alice asks, rubbing her thumb in circles over my wrist.

"I don't know. Charlie, what do you want to talk about?"

"The name is Dad, Brian."

Alice pulls me up from the couch and her eyes are angry little slits when she starts speaking, her voice hard and colder than ice.

"Her name is Bella. Why can't you call her by the name she has given herself? Why do you have to be an arrogant piece of shit that doesn't care about her feelings?"

"He's not a real woman, you know?" he tells her, crossing his arms in front of his chest. His eyes move to the wall that is covered with countless childhood pictures of Brian. Why did they keep those?

"She's what you want to see in her. I get it you miss your son. But he's gone now and there is no way for him to come back here." Alice says, and I notice that she's close to start crying. Damn it. I won't let that happen. We have to get out of this place as soon as possible.

Then I hear a loud throaty sob. Not from my wife but from the man sitting on the couch opposite of us. I can't remember having seen my father cry before. He thinks it's a sign of weakness or some crap like that.

"He's gone. He's gone. Brian is gone and that's my fault."


	13. Chapter 13

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Thanks for your reviews. I appreciate your support and feedback a lot.

**FAQ's**

As Bella is with Alice who is also a girl, wouldn't it have worked out better not to get the change?

Why would it?

We need to understand that there is a huge difference between Gender Identity and Sexual Identity.

The second one is about with whom a person wants to be with. The first one is about who Bella wants to be as a person. Her being transgender has zero to do with her sexual orientation. I hope that explains things a bit better, if not, feel free to ask questions.

****13****

_Alice_

My fingers are numb from her tight grip around them. She cries and each time her chest heaves with another sob, my heart breaks a little bit more. We shouldn't have come here. Not to Forks and especially not into this house that holds so much of her past.

"Why do you think it's your fault?" I manage to ask my wife's father after a few moments.

He sighs, wipes a bit of smeared mucus from his moustache and clears his throat. All the while he speaks his eyes stay focused on a small cupboard at the side. I bet that's where he stores the hard stuff of his alcohol supply. Crap, I hate the thought that Bella will get in trouble because of her drinking.

"Easy. I was a crappy drunkard of a father. If I hadn't been like that, if I had been a better role model for you, Brian, you wouldn't have turned out like…like that."

"For the last time now, Mr. Swan, her name is Bella." I tell him, forcing myself not to yell hysterically.

"Be..lla," he croaks out the name, like the two short syllables cause him an immense pain. Maybe they do. "I should have stopped with the drinking before everything went downhill around here. I'm sorry."

"I'm not the way I am because of you. Stop feeling guilty about it."

"I don't feel guilty. I'm just…fuck, I had a son and he's dead. You, I don't even know who you are. You're a stranger."

He grabs a silver-framed picture in that he and Brian are fishing on a small boat. There is a bottle of beer in his hands and Brian's eyes, Bella's eyes look sad like in every picture of her before-life.

"What would you do if someone took away your son? How'd that make you feel?" he asks, dropping the picture on the table with so much force the glass breaks.

"Andy will always be our kid. No matter what choices he's going to make in his life. We will love him." I tell him, wrapping my arm around my sobbing wife next to me.

I pull Bella up from the couch and try to shove her towards the door. We need to wash her face before the little one see's her like that.

"We're leaving. Come and visit us in Seattle, if you care to become a part of Bella's life again. If not, well, it's not like we need you."

With that I pull her outside the house, running straight into Edward's arms.

"Crap, what did he do to you, princess?"

"Leave me alone, Cullen." my wife mutters, wiping some mascara all over her cheeks.

"Alice, she looks bad, like she's about to faint. Let's get back inside the house."

"No," Bella whispers. "I don't want Andy to see me like this."

"Backdoor it is then. Andy is in the attic with my father, searching for some old toys."

He helps me to bring Bella up into the guest bathroom of my aunt's house. Then he leans back against the frame of the door.

"Do you want me to go over and knock some sense into Charlie's thick scull? You know, I'd love to do that."

"Care for getting arrested? I don't want you to end up in prison because of me."

He kneels down and wipes some cloth underneath the faucet before pressing it gently on her face.

"It won't come off. What the fuck did you smear around your eyes?"

"It's just eyeliner. Stop smearing it around, Edward, you are making everything worse."

Then she clears her throat and whispers huskily.

"I want to be alone for a few minutes."

"I'm not leaving you on your own when you are in this state of mind." I protest, leaning forward to press my lips against her hair.

"Alice, please. I want to be alone. I need to be alone. Just five minutes. Okay?"

Edward nods his head and pulls me out of the bathroom, over to this old room. There he makes me sit down on the bed and sighs deeply.

"That was a bad idea, Alice. Charlie could have hurt Bella. I've heard that man threatening her more than once."

"He thinks it's her fault that she's transgender. Did you know that?"

He walks over to the window, pulling the dust covered curtain to the side.

"Charlie is a very unhappy man. He wants Bella to be something she never was. But it's him who needs to change that attitude not her."

"You're right. I'm just so sorry, that her father is so against the choices she's made. It's not like she's asked for being the way she is."

"Hmm,"

He crumbles a sheet of paper from the desk between his fingers and throws it into a corner of the room.

"Don't leave her again. She won't survive it, if you do."

"I did not leave her." I hiss through my teeth. "I just needed a break. Things between me and her were getting difficult."

"Get some counseling or shit like that. I was scared for my life, when she called me to say that you moved out. I thought she was going to do something stupid."

I freeze and for a few moments I can't breathe properly. Do something stupid? She wasn't going to hurt herself, was she?

"Alice, are you still here with me?"

"Yes, yes, sure. It's none of your business, but Bella and I are seeing a therapist."

"That's good. I hope it will help you sort your problems out."

"Yes, I hope that too."

I take a deep breath and ask him if he would be okay letting Andy stay here with him and his parents for two days. Bella and I need some time for just the two of us. He agrees, and I make him promise that he won't let the boy come close to Bella's father again. As long as he doesn't accept his daughter, he doesn't need to have a grandchild from her.


	14. Chapter 14

[Disclaimer] All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] I want to hug all of you who keep supporting my story with your reviews. It makes me happy that you care about my writing and take the time to read it. See you at the bottom.

****14****

I can feel her eyes on me as I lift the glass with the crimson tinted wine to my lips. Yes, I know that I shouldn't be drinking alcohol but without its help I won't be able to calm down tonight.

"Are you feeling a bit better now?" Alice asks me worriedly, her hand stroking lightly over the back of mine. "I'm sorry about all the things your father said."

"It's okay," I whisper, taking another sip from my drink. "I know he hates me. To him I will always be Brian the freak and never Bella the woman."

"Because he doesn't see you, not the way I do."

She leans over the table and when her lips touch mine, they are so incredibly soft. My insides feel warm. I'm not sure if it's from the wine or the kiss. Maybe it's a combination of both of them.

"Do you want to go for a walk around town for a bit when we finish dinner?" she asks me while her fingertips stroke gently up my bare forearm.

Alice has found some cute little hotel in Port Angeles and I'm glad that the two of us are going to have some alone time, even if it's just for two days.

"I'd like that." I tell her, taking her hand to blow gently over its palm before pressing my lips against the skin. Her hand smells good too. Like almonds and sweet honey.

Outside we make it about two blocks until it starts pouring down on us. Both of us are soaked when we return to our hotel room. My hair is a mess and I pull Alice tightly against my chest because she's chattering so loudly with her teeth.

"Bath for you?" I whisper, helping her to unbutton the dress she's wearing. There is some vanilla scented oil in the bathroom that I pour into the running water.

A sigh leaves my beloved's wife throat as she sinks down in a mountain of bubbles and steam.

"Aren't you going to join me?" she asks, shifting around a bit in the huge tub. "I could drown in this thing all by myself."

"Can't risk that," I mumble. Teasingly slowly I unzip my dress and let it fall down to the ground. It makes me nervous when I'm naked in front of her. She told me over and over again that she loves me the way I am. I am desirable to her.

"The water isn't getting any warmer." she tells me as I finally shove my panties down my thighs. Stepping into the tub, I sit down behind her, wrapping my arms around her middle.

"This is nice. We should get one like that back home and have it installed in our bathroom."

"We don't have the money for stuff like that." she mumbles resting her head back against my chest. "All because I quit my college education and don't have a proper job."

"Once you are a famous artist, we can bathe in champagne. Would you like that?"

"I think that's a long way ahead of me. Until now no one apart from Andrea's friends and that woman in Texas has showed some interest in my works."

"Patience is a virtue."

I pour a bit of the water over her head and start massaging some shampoo into her curls. When I massage her scalp she purrs like a little kitten.

"I finished my list," I tell her, when I rinse the soap out of her hair again. We dry off and I sigh when she asks me to lie down on the bed so that she can massage the tensed muscles in my neck.

"Was it easier for you to write the things you dislike about me?"

"No, it wasn't. There are way more than five things that I love about you."

"For example?"

"You see me how I am and ever since we met you have been nothing but supportive about my…well about me being different."

"I love you. I hate that we've been fighting so much."

"Me too," I confess. "Do we want to try not to fight any more in the future?"

"I doubt that will work. Let's just try being more open with each other. That would be a start, right?"

"Are you regretting I had my surgery?" I ask her. It's about the millionth time I'm bringing up that topic. She must be tired of it.

"That was your choice. I'm only concerned about you still being in so much pain when you dilate. That can't be normal."

She pulls a blanket over me and cuddles against my side.

"Maybe you should talk to your surgeon again?"

"I don't want to. That's embarrassing. It just hurts because I'm not doing it often enough."

"You're not doing it often enough because it hurts you. A few weeks ago I was close to calling that impossible woman Andrea lives with to ask her for advice."

"Erica? For shit?"

"I said I was close but obviously not desperate enough."

I chuckle and plant a kiss on her shoulder. "I've already spoken to her and a few other past-ops. They all told me to relax. How are you supposed to relax when you have to run after a three-year-old all day long?"

"Andy is not here now. Did you bring your dilators with you?"

"Always have my hormones and the little glass fuckers in my handbag." I say, fumbling for it at the side of the bed.

"Later," she whispers while her warm mouth glides down my stomach. "I want you to close your eyes and think of nothing."

Her wet tongue glides over my outer lips, her fingers parting them gently. I whimper as she starts flicking it over my clit, the little pearl pulsating so greedy against her touch. Again and again she circles it and the moment she starts rubbing her thumb gently over my nether entrance I come with her mouth on me, feeling my insides clench deep down in my belly.

For a while both of us are very still, our breathing returning back to normal. Then I feel the head of one of the glass dilators against my pussy and my entire body turns ridged.

"Slow," she assures me. "I'm going to do this slowly. We have time. We have all the time in the world."

**XOXXXOXXO**

[A/N] I've started posting a new Bellice story. It's called **Once Upon A Heart** and if you like time period fanfics you might like that one. Please, give it a try and let me know what you think about it.


	15. Chapter 15

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to SM

[A/N] Thanks for reading my story. Your interest in my work means a lot to me.

****15****

The sound of the shower wakes me up in the next morning and it takes me a few moments to realize where I am. Between my legs I'm sore but it's not as bad as usually. Taking things slow helped a great deal. Too bad we don't have that much time for this back home.

"Good Morning," Alice greets me as she walks out of the bathroom. Her hair is a mess of dark curls. I love it like that. It makes me want to weave my fingers though it again and again. God, she's so lovely. I can't believe she's mine.

"How are you feeling? Are you sore from the dilating?" she asks me, her eyes moving to the glass dilators that are lying carelessly on the ground now.

"Just a bit, you're better at doing it than me though."

"Well, maybe I should help you with it more often. It's just that you gave me the impression that you didn't want me around while you're dilating."

"How so?" I ask her, stuffing the dildos back into a small plastic bag.

"You seemed stressed, like you were embarrassed having me there when you were doing it. The truth is I enjoy watching you play around on yourself. Is that weird?"

I shake my head. "No, it's not. I like watching you touch yourself too."

She clears her throat nervously, a crimson blush coloring her cheeks.

"I'll keep that in mind. Look, there is something else I wanted to talk about with you. Promise me that you won't get mad at me."

"I promise," I tell her, as she sits down on the edge of the bed. "I want you to tell me everything that's on your mind."

"Okay, if you say so. I'm worried about you drinking too much."

"I don't drink that much alcohol." I mumble, combing through my hair with my fingers. "I'm not an alcoholic just because I enjoy a glass of wine now and then."

"I don't know what's the official definition of an alcoholic, but I want you to stop drinking whenever you stressed."

"But it helps me to relax. There is so much pain in me. Pain I can't handle any other way. I want to forget it. I want to forget my male past but it's haunting me."

"You can talk to me when you're feeling bad. I'm here for you."

"You left. Do you know what that did to me? It broke my heart."

I start crying, tears pouring down my cheeks. Within seconds she's next to me, rocking me gently back and forth against her chest.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. It was a mistake, a big one. Can you try to forgive me?"

I nod my head and wipe my nose at a tissue she hands me. "Just promise me not to run away again. I don't know what I would do."

"You can't harm yourself. Edward, he made some comments like that. I can't endure the thought of you hurting yourself."

"That was years ago. It was hart to being stuck in that body I hated so much, especially during puberty. Worst time of my life, it destroyed so much in me."

"I'm sorry. I can't tell you enough how sorry I am that you had to go through all of this."

"I know. Can we not talk about it?"

"If you'd prefer that, of course,"

I clear my throat before I grab the phone and order some breakfast for us. A few minutes later I'm feeding strawberries to my lovely wife.

"Do we have to get up today?" she asks me. "Or can we stay in bed all day long?"

"I think I like that idea." I tell her, rubbing a strawberry down her jaw. "I bet this tastes better from your skin."

My tongue circles down her lips, teasing them gently as I lick up the rests of the smeared fruit.

"I won't touch any wine for the next month. I promise."

"Good," she murmurs, letting her tongue part my lips to caress the inside of my mouth.

I pull up her shirt and begin drawing something close to a heart over her flat stomach.

"You're beautiful. Sometimes I can't stop watching you when you're asleep."

Slowly I lick up the red fruit juices from her pale skin, before I let the smashed strawberry glide lower, my mouth following the trail of smeared fruit on her body.

"I love tasting you," I tell her, as I part her legs and blow a kiss on her moist sex. My tongue glides through her folds, flickering gently over the sensitive clit. Her taste is like salt and honey. I'll never get enough of that.

When she climaxes against my mouth on her, I groan against her inner lips. My insides tingle, but I feel too sore touch myself now. This is supposed to be about her now. I want to show her how much I desire her; she's just everything to me.

"I love you" I whisper breathlessly. "Never forget that."

She pulls me up and wraps her legs around my thigh, holding me close to her.

"I love you too. You need to stop doubting my feelings for you."

"I do not doubt your feelings for me. It's just that I know you could do better than me. I see how people look at me, wondering if I'm really a woman. That's fucking embarrassing."

"No one is looking at you and if they do it means shit. I'm the one who knows you're a woman. That's would should count to you and not some bunch of strangers."

I nod my head and rest it carefully against her shoulder, letting my fingertips glide down her arm, down to her wrist.

"I wished things weren't so complicated."

"They aren't. We're going to figure things out. You just need to have a bit more faith in us."

"I know," I whisper, pressing my lips against her collarbone. "I know, Alice."

I stand up to get my estrogen pills from my handbag to swallow two of them without water. Thank god, for the little fuckers. They help making my life so much easier.


	16. Chapter 16

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Thanks for your feedback. I always appreciate if you take the time to leave me your thoughts.

****16****

I hate those appointments with my therapist, but if I want to fix up things between Alice and me, it's inevitable to see someone professional. At least, Zafrina is a nice person. She doesn't make me feel like a complete freak for all the crap that is going on in my head.

"How have you been?" she asks us cheerfully as we enter her office. The room smells of fresh paint and for a moment I admire the light blue color on the walls.

"Looks nice, doesn't it? Blue is supposed to have a calming effect on people."

"I like blue." Alice murmurs as she sits down on the leather couch. I take my seat next to her and place my hand on her lap.

"Blue is nice. Andy likes blue. It's his favorite color."

Zafrina clears her throat and flips through the pages in her notepad before she begins with the official part of our session.

"Did you find time to finish the lists I asked you to do?"

I nod my head and pull out the sheet of paper from my handbag to look down at the words I scrawled down on it this morning.

"First, I want to talk about Bella's drinking habits." Alice tells Zafrina while her eyes stay focused on the wall in front of us. She knows that I'm going to be pissed at her for bringing up this topic. I don't have a problem with controlling my alcohol intake and that's what I tell Zafrina.

"I don't drink that much."

"It's interesting how you instantly try to defend yourself. That's a typical reaction from alcoholics, when someone confronts them with their problem."

"I don't have a problem. Alice knows nothing about how an alcoholic is like."

"But you do?" Zafrina asks, writing down something on her notepad.

"My father," I begin hesitantly. "He used to drink a lot when I was a kid. I remember how my parents used to fight constantly because he was never completely sober."

"Do you remember what exactly they were fighting about?"

"Well, mostly about me. Charlie thought my mother was not trying hard enough to put an end to my…girly behaviors."

"I see. Alice, why are you worried about Bella's drinking habits?"

"She's drinking to suppress her fears."

"Did you get a degree in psychology now? You know nothing about my fears. I don't drink because I'm afraid. I drink to relax. Damn it, a few glasses of wine now and then don't turn me into a drunkard."

"I knew you'd be mad at me for bringing it up." Alice stats, her voice close to tears.

I take a very deep breathe that I hold until my lungs begin to hurt painfully before I exhale through my parted lips.

"You don't need to worry about me. I'm the one who's worried all the time. You left us. You fucking left us. Why don't we talk about that?"

"I'm sorry about it. I've told you again and again how sorry I am. It was a mistake. I don't know how to make up for it again. Bella, please-," a sob escapes her throat and the next thing I do is pull my crying wife on my lap.

"I'm sorry." I whisper into her ear. "I shouldn't have brought it up. It's painful for both of us."

"I don't want to lose you. I love you, Bella."

Zafrina rubs her eyes and takes a sip from the glass of water in front of her.

"The question is not if you and Bella love each other. That part is obvious to everyone around you. Can the two of you make your marriage work? That's what I'm concerned about. Both of you have some severe issues."

"We wouldn't be having all these problems if I were a normal woman." I say, rubbing my hands up and down Alice's spine

"I don't like the word normal, and I assure you most of your difficulties have very little to do with you being transgender." Zafrina explains.

She sighs and looks up from her notepad before she continues. "Both of you have some serious trouble with trust. Bella, did you consider that Alice left you to protect herself? She left you, so you wouldn't leave her first."

"I'd never done that. How could I leave Alice? She's the love of my life."

"Do you think your feelings for Alice run deeper than the ones she has for you?"

"In a way,"

"What is that supposed to mean? I love you. How can you doubt that?"

"Alice, please, I don't doubt your feelings for me."

"Yes, you are. You won't believe that I love you, because you hate yourself."

How can I not hate myself? My body is like a jail to me. The surgery has changed nothing. When I look into the mirror, I still see that pimple-faced sixteen year old boy. Brian is like a shadow, I can't get rid of him.

"I know you love me. I just can't believe why you would do it. You could do better than me."

"Time's up. I think we're finally starting to make some progress. See you next week."

I'm agitated and Alice is crying. I don't understand how this is supposed to be a step into the right direction. But sometimes beginnings are hard.

"I won't drink again." I assure Alice on the way back to our car. "If it worries you so much, I won't touch any alcohol again."

"Good," she mumbles as she checks her reflection in a little mirror she pulls out of her purse. "It makes me happy to hear that."

"I want to make you happy. The last months have been awful. I should have sensed how unhappy you've been."

She rubs a bit of smeared mascara from under her eyes before she leans her head against my shoulder.

"Do you think we can make it through this? What if our love is not strong enough for dealing with all of this?"

"I don't know. But I'm sure I want to be with you for the rest of my life." I tell her, lifting her hand to my lips to press them against the fragile gold of her wedding band.


	17. Chapter 17

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Thanks, to those of you, who keep reading my story. Your support is highly appreciated.

****17****

It's sunny, the first warm day within the last two weeks. My elbow still hurts when I lean up on the sill in my room. I want to go outside and play, but I'm afraid I'm going to wake up Dad when I walk down the stairs. Then he'll be angry again. He's angry often enough. Pulling up the sleeve of my shirt I look at the bruises on my arm.

Little freak. I'll teach you a lesson.

My father's voice is like thunder in my ear. I wished he would just disappear. He's mean. When he drinks that smelly stuff, he gets even worse.

Blinking away some tears I look outside again, noticing someone in our backyard. He's around my age. His hair is pretty. It looks red in the sunlight.

He leans down and picks something up from the grass. Did he lose his ball in our yard? I don't like playing ball. I can't catch properly.

Adjusting the pink plastic tiara on my head, I feel myself getting angry when he sits down on my swing. My swing is my happy place. I don't want him to be on it.

As quietly as possible I tiptoe down the stairs, sighing in relief when I see that Dad is still snoring on the couch. The cans with the beer are all over the table. I need to put them away before Mom comes home from her shift.

"Hey!" I call towards the boy. "That's my swing. I didn't allow you to go it."

"Sorry," he mumbles, jumping up from the swing. "I didn't know there's a kid living in that house."

"Just me," I whisper, taking a step backwards. Maybe he's going to hit me now. I could run back inside the house but he's probably much faster than me.

"Hi, I'm Eddie. Who are you?"

I cross my arms in front of my chest and swallow. I don't want to tell him my name. I hate my name. It's for a boy. Not for me.

"Don't you have a name, princess?"

Princess? Oh shit, I'm still wearing my tiara. Now, he's definitely going to hit me. I take another step backwards but stumble over something on the ground. My backside hurts when I fall down. When I try to support myself on my arm it hurts even more.

"Ouch," I cry out, rubbing my aching arm.

"Did you hurt yourself when you fell?" he asks, reaching out his hand to help me stand up.

"Yes,"

"Do you want my Daddy to look at it? He's a doctor."

"No, I'm scared of doctors. They have needles." I tell Eddie quickly when I carefully sit down on the swing.

"My Daddy is not scary. He's fun."

"No," I protest, sighing in relief when my arm stops throbbing.

"You can't know that, princess. Where's your Mommy?"

"At work. Yours?"

"She's baking in the kitchen. Do you want to have a piece of apple pie too?"

"I can't eat food from strangers. My parents don't allow it."

"We're not strangers. We're neighbors."

I nod my head and start rocking back and forth on the swing.

"Want me to push you?" he offers, stepping behind me. "I'll push you if you let me on your swing after you."

"Kay," I whisper, enjoying the pleasant feeling in my stomach when the swing moves up higher and higher. I want to wear a skirt while I'm on the swing. Maybe I can find one of Mom's old ones in the attic. There must be some clothes from when she was a girl, right?

"I don't like playing with girls. They're crybabies. My cousin cries all the time." Eddie tells me when the swing finally stills again. "But you're okay."

"I don't like playing with boys. They're mean to me."

"I'll never be mean to you. Do you want to see my piano? It's cool!"

"Do you know how to play?"

"A bit, my Mom is teaching me how to."

"Brian, you little shit, I told you to stay inside for fucks sake! What's that glitter thing on your head? Stupid faggot!"

I cringe when he grabs me by my injured arm and wince as he roughly pulls the tiara from my head. It cracks in two when he throws it behind him. My beautiful tiara! He's so mean to me.

"Let her go. You're hurting her!" Eddie growls with anger in his voice. No one has ever defended me before. My heart swells with love. Eddie is my hero.

"Her? Did my sicko of a son tell you he's a girl? Well, he's not. He's just a sick piece of shit!"

I wake up, my entire body covered in sweat. It takes me several minutes until I manage to get my breathing under control again. What a horrible nightmare. I haven't thought about my childhood in years. I don't wish to be reminded. Moving my fingertips over the blankets, I realize I'm alone.

"Alice!" I whisper into the darkness. "Alice, where are you?"

She doesn't answer and so I walk down the stairs, finding her and Andy curled up on the couch. They look cute together, so very peaceful. For a while I just sit down on the couch table, unable to take my eyes off my sleeping wife and our son.

"Bella?" Alice mumbles, blinking at me tiredly. "Did I fall asleep?"

"It's okay. Let me bring Andy to his room. I'll be right back." I tell her, lifting the boy up to carry him upstairs.

"Momma?"

"Shh, sleep, honey. It's late."

His eyelids flutter and when I put him down in his bed, he's already snoring again. Kid always snores. He inherited that from his mother.

"Sweet dreams, Andy." I whisper as I close the door to his room behind me.

"Are you okay?" Alice asks me when I enter the living room again. She wraps her arms around my middle and pulls me close. "You're trembling. Did you have a nightmare?"

"Sort of,"

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

"No," I croak, leaning my head against her delicate shoulder. "I just want to forget."

Alice squeezes my hand and sighs. "You need to trust me a bit more. We can't make this marriage work if we don't tell each other everything."

"I know. But it's so painful. My childhood was so fucked up. Charlie, he…he hit me. He was always drunk and always furious."

"God, Bella, I'm so sorry. You mother should have done something. She should have protected you."

"Renee was working most of the time. When she was home, she was tired. I was a burden to both of my parents because I was a freak."

"You're not a freak. You never were a freak. I don't like it when you speak so low of yourself."

I sigh, closing my eyes for a moment. The picture of the miserable five year old boy with the broken tiara pops up in my head. The memory is painful, excruciating even.

"I'm here for you. I'm never going to leave again. I love you."

"I love you too," I whisper against her neck, pulling her on my lap. "Do you think, I'll ever like myself?"

"Maybe, one day. You need to accept your past first. It's a part of your life."

Nodding my head, I reach out my hand to grab the phone from the table in front of us. It's time for a lot of unpleasant conversations…


	18. Chapter 18

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] It's been too long. I apologize for that. Thanks to those of you who are still with me. I appreciate your interest in my writing a lot.

_FAQ's_

Can Bella have kids and be the mom?

You mean like carrying the child herself? No, that's impossible. She doesn't have ovaries and a uterus what be essential for that.

Is her voice a female voice?

Yes, it is. She had some surgery on her larynx, but most of it has to do with simple practicing. If you are curious you can look up "find your female voice" on Youtube. It explains it pretty good.

****18****

I am tensed. My palms won't stop sweating no matter how often I rub my hands on the fabric of my dress. The piece of cake in front of me is still untouched.

"Are you on a diet now?" Edward asks me, when I finally push the plate over to him.

"I'm just not hungry." I tell him, staring nervously at my reflection in the mirror behind me. A guy who is sitting a few tables away from us smiles at me. I quickly lower my gaze.

"You are acting strange. Is something wrong? Don't tell me you and Alice are fighting again."

"We're not." I mumble, lifting the mug with my tea to my mouth to take a sip. Then I clear my throat and speak up. Eventually telling him the reason why I requested this meeting today. Edward is the one part of my past that I don't detest with every fiber of my being.

At first the words come out hesitantly. It's like I'm talking about a stranger and not myself.

"I'm sorry, princess." Edward croaks. "I should have done something. I should have…protected you from him."

"You were just a kid. What could you have done anyway?"

He sighs and hisses through his teeth. "Charlie is a bastard. If he had to live in your shoes for just one fucking day, he'd—"

I can hear him swallow loud when Erica and Andy enter the little café. For a moment I'm irritated by his reaction. Then I see the red-haired figure walking behind them. Vicky is dressed to the nines. The black leather skirt she's wearing makes her leg even longer than usually. I can see that she's put on an extra layer of make-up. It makes her feel secure. Inside of her it probably looks a lot uglier right now.

"Uncle Edward!" Andy calls out, jumping into his arms. "You should have gone to the park with us! It was fun."

"Hey there," Vicky greets barely audible before she sits down on the chair next to me. "We're not disturbing you, are we? Andrea wanted to help me get the rest of my stuff out of James's house."

Something tells me that they didn't succeed with that. I take a closer look at Vicky's face and see that her eyes are red from crying.

"The man was mean to Vicky." Andy states. "He yelled. I don't like when someone yells."

"He was probably just mad." Edward tells him. "Do you want to eat the rest of your mother's cake? It's with caramel."

"Yep. But I need to pee first."

"Fine, come with me." I say, standing up.

"No! I don't want to go with you. I want to go to the boy's room. Uncle Edward?"

He smirks and lifts up the squeaking boy over his shoulder. "Let's go."

"Remember to make him wash his hands." I call after them. Something inside of me cracks, or maybe it just clicks into place. Andy is not like me. He will never have to suffer like me. Relieve spreads through my soul.

"Lucky child," Vicky mutters. "He seems so happy all the time."

"I know." I sigh. "Alice and I are blessed to have him in our life."

Behind us someone snickers. I turn around and notice the guy who had been smiling at me earlier. He licks his lips and his eyes narrow.

"_Ladies_?" he greets, making the word two syllables. Then he leans over the table and grabs Vicky's wrist. "I know what you are. Do you like tricking men?"

"Please…just leave," she croaks out, trying to pull her hand away from his grip.

"Drop you paws from her right now." Edward snarls at him. The guy chuckles and hisses some profanities. I can't even manage to pull Andy's face against my chest before Edward's fist connects with the guy's nose. There is blood. The man whimpers and falls down to the floor, kicking a chair over with him.

"You broke my nose! I'm going to press charges against you!"

"Take it like a man, if that's what you are. Now, get out of here before I truly forget myself."

The man growls, but decides it's probably better to leave instead of taking another punch.

A loud sob reaches my ear. Vicky is crying. Her entire body is shaking.

"Did he hurt you?" I ask, more concerned about the humiliation the man has caused her than about her wrist. Stuff like this, scenes like these have happened to me too. No matter how careful you try to blend in, there is always something that gives away we're transgender.

"No," she sobs. "It's just…it's just…no one has ever defended me like that."

Andrea takes Andy's hand and tells him that she wants to show him where they decorate the cakes in the background. I hand Vicky a tissue and wrap my arm around her.

"My life is over! I should have stayed with James."

"No, you shouldn't. James doesn't love you. He's a sick bastard who has used you for years."

"But now I'm alone. Erica and Andrea won't let me stay at their place forever. Where am I supposed to go?"

"We'll figure something out. Just don't go back to him this time. You deserve better." I tell her.

"Yeah, sure, I deserve a prince on a white horse or some shit like that."

She stands up from her chair and wipes trails of smeared eyeliner from her cheeks. "Goodbye, Bella. I'll have an appointment with my lawyer now. A lawyer who will tell me that I won't get a dime of the money James made with my movies."

"Good luck," I mumble, shyly waving my hand at her. "You need it."

"How are you getting there?" Edward asks, his eyes wandering down from Vicky's face to the roundness underneath her tight blouse.

"Bus?"

"I can drive you there," he says, "Only if you want to of course."

She nods her head and when she follows him outside a few moments later, I smile. Maybe princes don't always come on white horses. Maybe sometimes they're just come along in too fast Swedish cars. Let's just hope he's not going to get a ticket again today…


	19. Chapter 19

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Happy New Year to all of you! I hope 2013 will treat you well. Thank you for taking the time to read my stories. It means a lot to me.

FAQ's

How old is Erica?

She's 28.

Did Bella ever have braces?

No, because our girl had to go through enough painful medical treatments in her life. So, her teeth are naturally perfect.

****19****

My throat feels sore from crying. The therapy sessions are so terribly exhausting for me. It's probably a good thing that Alice hasn't come with me today. It hurts so badly to rip open all the old wounds.

Zafrina is patient. She lets me cry and yell until I have no more tears left inside of me.

"How are you feeling now?" she asks, pushing the box with the tissues over to me. I sniff and blow my nose. Whatever is left of my make-up is smeared around my eyes. I will have to fix it before I go to pick up Andy from Edward's place.

"Are you angry at your father?"

"A bit, I'm more like…horribly sad. I'd rather not think about my past anymore. It's so painful."

"You need to learn to let go and accept the things in your life that you can't change anymore."

"Can you help me to forget?"

She smiles and shakes her head at me. "I can help you to deal with what has been. Do you think you can live with that?"

I sigh and clear my throat. "I'll try to."

"That sounds good to me. Our time is up now. I see you and your wife on Wednesday for your couple's therapy."

"Alice and I are flying to Dallas on Wednesday. She has a meeting with some rich woman down there who wants to buy some of her paintings."

"Good, good. Senna will arrange another appointment then. Try to have some fun while you're in Texas."

After telling Zafrina goodbye, I try my best to rub off the trails of black mascara from my cheeks. Why do they call this stuff waterproof when it isn't? I apply some concealer and eye-liner and brush through my hair. This is as good as it gets, I whisper at the woman in the mirror when I'm finished.

I reach Edward's apartment half an hour later and my nerves have calmed down again. I want to be happy. No, I will be happy. I am loved.

"Mommy, you're back!" Andy calls when Edward opens the door.

"Did you miss me?" I ask him, kneeling down in front of him.

"A bit, but Uncle Edward let me watch TV all the time. It was fun."

I stand up and roll my eyes at Edward. He knows I don't like it when he parks the kid in front of the screen when he's babysitting.

We walk into the chaos that is supposed to be his kitchen. Edward has a housekeeper but it seems like that woman has run off weeks ago.

"Do you want a beer?" he suggests, lifting two bottles out of the fridge.

I shake my head. "Do you have water?"

"Sure, princess, whatever you want. Andy, why don't you get your coloring books from upstairs?"

As soon as my little son is out of sight he lifts the beer to his mouth and takes a gulp. My hands tremble. Drinking some of that beer would make me more relaxed, wouldn't it?

I don't want to drink though. Alice would be so disappointed if I can't manage to stay sober.

"Can I ask you something?" Edward croaks nervously.

"Sure,"

"But you have to promise that you won't take it the wrong way." he starts, taking another mouthful of beer. He seems tensed somehow.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, no, it's not. I'm just…I'm just…crap, do you think it's possible to suddenly turn gay?"

"You think you're gay? Is that a joke?"

"Do I look like I'm laughing? I never liked men and you know it's not like I didn't have my chance to…fool around."

He's right. Edward is the kind of guy who gets tons of attention from both sexes. Still, I don't get why he's asking about this now.

"Why do you think you could be gay? Have you run out of women to sleep with?"

"Stop making jokes. This is not funny for me, Bella. Vicky, she…oh crap, I think she made me gay and now I can't stop thinking about her."

"Vicky made you what?"

"We had some drinks. She was feeling pretty low and then one thing lead to another."

"You had sex…like with her?"

"See, I know you'd be judging."

"I'm not judging. I'm just surprised."

"I am _not_ gay."

I take a step back and inhale sharply through my front teeth. "Do you see me as guy?"

"Why are so mad now? This has nothing to do with you! This is about me, about who I've been my whole life."

"Vicky is _like_ me. If sleeping with her makes you question whether you are straight…god damn it, Cullen!"

With a few sturdy steps I walk over to the stairs and call. "Andy, come down now! We're leaving."

Edward places his hand on my shoulder but I push it off. "Don't touch me."

"Tell your Uncle goodbye." I say icily before I pull Andy outside with me.

Back home, Alice has managed to burn our dinner because she forgot to take it out of the oven while she was distracted with painting. At least she didn't burn down the house.

"I'm sorry, " she tells me, while she tries to turn off the smoke detector. "Do you want to order some pizza?"

"Chinese sounds better to me. Andy, please go and play a bit outside. I don't want you to inhale all this smoke."

"Yes, Mommy. Mommy, can I get a puppy? Vicky has a dog. He can do tricks."

"Maybe when you're older," Alice suggests, opening both kitchen windows to let some fresh air in.

"I don't want a pet. All the work will end up on me." I tell her.

"Andy will forget about it in couple of weeks. No need to worry."

"We'll see." I murmur, wrapping my arms around my wife. There is paint in her curls. "You need to wash your hair, honey. I can help you."

"You haven't washed my hair in forever."

"I know. I'll try to make up for it." I whisper, pulling her closer to me. "Do you know how much I love you for loving me?"

"You let me come back after I left. That must mean you love me more than I deserve it." Alice states before I brush my lips gently over hers. I want to lift her up on the kitchen table and kiss every inch of her soft skin. Later, I tell myself, circling my thumb down her spine. We'll have enough time for that while we're in Texas. Zafrina told me to have some fun there, didn't she?


	20. Chapter 20

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

****20****

The hotel is lovely. Alice's potential buyer has booked us into a gigantic suite. I place the suitcases on the bed and fumble with the combination on the lock while my wife dances around the entire room.

"This is fantastic. Oh my god, this is so fantastic. I love it here."

"Don't get too used to it." I tell her. "I'm afraid this place costs more than we make in a year."

My alarm starts beeping and I pull out my estrogen pills to swallow them quickly.

I take off my shoes and sit down on the edge of the bed. "Are you tired from the flight?" I ask Alice when I pull her on my lap. She sighs and presses her lips against mine.

"Are you?" she whispers, letting her hands move down my throat. I close my eyes and shake my head. Alice rocks back and forth on my lap and starts to unbutton my shirt very slowly. Her touch is light as a feather. I love it.

I can feel my skin beginning to tingle. It has been long since we really had any time to ourselves. Sex is important to Alice and I enjoy pleasuring her a great deal.

"I love you." I murmur against her neck. Then I pull her shirt over her head and unclasp the delicate lace bra that covers her beautiful breasts.

She moans when I massage them and tug on her sensitive nipples.

"You still have too much clothes on." Alice states. "Let me help you with that."

Minutes later when both of us are tossing around naked between the sheets, I can feel my own arousal building from deep within me. My fingertips glide between Alice's thighs and I groan when I realize how wet she already is. My lovely wife is so responsive to my touch.

I stroke her tenderly, teasing her pussy until she begs me to put my fingers inside her. Here she's slick and tight and just perfect. I want to make her come like this and begin to circle my thumb over her clit.

Alice's legs tremble. I can sense how close she is now. "I want to…to touch you too." she whimpers, sitting up straight. We shift around on the bed and when her tongue touches against my pulsing clit a shiver goes through my entire body.

The sensations are so strong that for a while I can't manage to put my mouth on her moist sex that is just inches away from my face. I love her taste on my tongue and groan when I flicker it up and down between her inner folds.

One of her fingers glides inside me and I tense. She notices it and pulls back. Her tongue moves lower making my insides tighten when I feel it against my nether entrance. I love it when she licks me here. It feels so fucking good.

My climax rips through me and just seconds later Alice pussy tightens around my fingers inside her. It takes me a few moments to catch my breath again. Then I pull Alice closer against my chest and cuddle against her naked body from behind.

"I love you. I love you forever." I whisper into her ear while I caress her stomach with my fingertips. "Don't leave me again."

"Never." she promises. "I will never do something like that again. I was so miserable without you."

"We need to talk about it when something is wrong. Do you think we can learn to do that?" I ask her worriedly.

"I want us to. Our marriage is everything to me. I don't want to lose you."

"Alice, you're never going to lose me. Stupid girl, don't you know that you're the love of my life?"

She turns around and leans her head against my shoulder. "I love you, Bella." Alice whispers softly before both of us drift into peaceful sleep.

The next morning I order a huge breakfast from the room service that we eat in bed. I feed Alice some chocolate croissants and drink some delicious coffee.

"I miss Andy." Alice says. "Do you think Edward will remember to not let him eat candy crap all the time? That always makes him fidgety."

"Maybe we should better have let Andrea babysit him for us." I state and nibble on a strawberry. "It's too bad she and Erica are visiting Erica's parents'."

"You should be happy for Erica. I don't particularly like her but it's great that her parents are talking to her again."

"I know." I murmur. I hate that my relationship with Renee and Charlie is so tensed. But I have Alice and Andy now. They're my family and I want to do anything in my power to keep them happy.

Alice dips the rest of her croissants into her tea and sighs. "Is something wrong with you and Edward? Are you mad at him?"

"No," I lie, wiping my mouth on a napkin. "It's nothing."

"Bella, I thought we agreed on talking to each other when something bothers us."

"Fine, I'm angry at him. He's a moron who thinks that sleeping with Vicky turned him gay."

Alice snorts and a bit of her coffee lands on the white sheets. "Edward and Vicky? For real? Why does he think he's gay now?"

"Because he's a straight guy and Vicky is…well, she's like me."

"She's still a woman. If he's attracted to her that means he's attracted to a female person. Gay men are not into females."

"Women don't have a penis. God, it is awkward to talk about this."

"It's okay. Look, when I met you and found out you're transgender that scared me. But that doesn't mean I loved you less because of it. Love makes people very accepting."

"I think you deserve better than me. I'm such a difficult person."

"Yes, you are, but you're my wife. I love you and I can't imagine being with anyone else but you."

I lean over and kiss her mouth. "I love you. You make my life so much better when you're in it."

Alice takes my hand and rubs it against her cheek. "I love you. Can we have a second child?"

"Are you sure you want another baby right now?" I ask her, putting the tray with the food on the ground next to the bed.

"Maybe not right now but soon, well, I mean in case you want that too. I'd love Andy to have a little brother or sister."

"I think I'd love that too." I tell Alice when I pull her close to me again. "I'd love that a great deal."

She plants a kiss on my nose and jumps from the bed. "Let's hope Mrs. White is going to buy lots of my paintings. We could really need some money for our family planning."


	21. Chapter 21

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to SM

[A/N] it's been forever. I apologize for that. Thanks to those who are still reading.

****21****

_Alice_

She was late. Rich people always had a tendency to keep you waiting. I sipped nervously on the glass of water. My throat was dry, like always when I was nervous. Presenting my paintings to a potential buyer always made me feel on edge.

Eventually the door to the atelier opened. But it wasn't the middle-aged Mrs. White that walked through the door. I remembered his face, even when it had been years since I had seen him last. His hair was down to his shoulders now and combed back with some gel.

"Hello Alice, how nice to finally see you again. You do remember me, I assume?"

"Dr. Whitlock, what the hell are you doing here? I'm supposed to meet with a buyer."

He grinned and reached out his fingers to lift my hand to his mouth. "You are supposed to meet with me."

I felt the blood leaving my face. Whitlock was Mrs. White. None of this made any sense to me. If I just hadn't talked Bella into spending the morning in the Spa of the hotel instead of coming with me. A wave of fear spread throughout me and I quickly stepped backwards.

"Are you crazy?" I gasped. "You lured me to come here to Texas for nothing? Why?"

Whitlock chuckled and sat down on the edge of the ratty couch. "Our definition of the word nothing tends to differ. Why won't you show me some of your works? That's what you are here for, aren't you, darlin'?"

"I don't understand this."

"You will in a minute. I promise."

"No." I croaked. "I'm leaving. You're a sicko and Bella should have pressed charges against you when she had the chance."

I was almost out of the door when he stepped between me and the doorframe, blocking my way.

"Stop being hysterical and let me explain."

I considered the chances of knocking Whitlock out. They were pretty shitty. He was too tall and heavy for my 4.7 frame. The feeling of being helpless made my eyes fill with tears.

"Mrs. White was my grandmother. She left me some money when she died last winter."

"Well, than I'm sorry for your loss. Still, I don't get why you would trick me into coming here."

"I didn't trick you. Look, Alice, you're a very beautiful woman. I never forgot you."

"If you dare to touch me, I'm going to scream."

"Soon you are going to beg me for it. I know how women's minds work like."

My knee moved upwards, hitting its goal hard and fast. A split second later Whitlock buckled forward, cursing violently.

xxxx

Bella couldn't manage to calm me down. The entire taxi ride back to the airport I sobbed loudly. All of this was just too humiliating.

"Honey, please, stop crying. You need to tell me what exactly happened with Whitlock. Did he hurt you?"

"Only my pride and who cares about it?" I snapped bitterly.

"I care about everything that considers you." Bella stated. She pulled me closer against her chest. If something had happened to me, she would never be able to forgive herself.

Her phone started buzzing in her handbag and with a sigh Bella fished it out.

"Hello Edward. Did you manage to change our flights back to Seattle? Yes. That's great. Thank you. I will explain everything to you when we get back."

She disconnected the call and turned to me. "See, Edward has managed to book us on the next machine home. Everything is going to be okay."

"It was just a trick from Whitlock. I'm so fucking stupid. Why would anyone want to buy my paintings anyway?"

Bella rubbed gently over my back and when we had managed to make it inside the departure lounge, my tears had finally subsided. Maybe I was just too exhausted.

"Maybe this is a sign. I should stop painting. It's a waste of time."

"It's not. This is what you enjoy doing." Bella said. "God, I hate Whitlock."

"Can we not tell anyone about this when we get home? It's too embarrassing."

"Alice, I don't think—"

"Please! I don't want Andrea to know about this. She's going to buy more of my paintings, just out of pity."

xxxx

"Mommy, you are back!" Andy called, rushing down the stairs in Edward's house. "I missed you!"

"Yes, sweetie, we are. Can you get your backpack now? Your mother and I are tired from the flight." Bella told him, hugging him tightly.

"Is something wrong, Bella?" Edward asked. "Andy, you can go upstairs and feed my goldfish. Will you do that for me? Thanks."

"What's wrong? Alice looks as if she's been crying for hours."

"That's just from the air-conditioning on the plane." I whispered huskily.

"Am I supposed to believe this?"

"Edward, please. Just leave her alone. She doesn't want to talk about it."

"Women are weird. I will never understand them."

He walked over to the fridge and pulled a half-empty bottle of white wine out.

"Do you want some of this? It might help to calm your nerves."

Bella shook her head. "Alice, you can have a glass if you like to."

Edward filled my glass and I nipped slowly on the cold wine while I felt Bella's eyes on me. It was wrong to drink alcohol in front of her. She was struggling with staying away from it and I was making things more difficult for her.

"Hello Bella. Alice." Vicky's voice was like usually a bit too high when she slowly walked down the stairs. Her red hair was damp and all curly. She had applied a thick layer of make-up on her face though.

She turned to Edward and cleared her throat. "I'm going for a walk now. Thanks for letting me shower here and for the rest as well."

For a moment I expected him to say something but then he just nodded his head and stared after her when she walked out of the front door.

"You fuck her while you're supposed to babysit your nephew?" Bella snarled angry. "What the hell were you thinking, Cullen?"

"It's none of your business. But if it makes you feel better, Vicky and I didn't have sex again. We were in the park with Andy, feeding ducks. She fell into some dirty water."

"I see." I murmured. "Bella, I think you should apologize to my cousin."

"I'm sorry." My wife whispered. "I didn't mean it like that."

Edward nodded. "It's okay. I don't even know where this is going. I never considered falling for a woman like Vicky. This is not what I expected."

"Just try to take things slow. Vicky is all hard from the outside but inside of her that's something else." Bella told him.

"Did you sell some paintings, Alice?" he asked, trying to change the subject of our conversation.

"No, not even one of them."

"That sucks. I'm sorry about that."

"It doesn't matter. Can you get Andy from upstairs? I'd like to go home now."

The boy was cheerful on our ride home. It was good for him to spend time with Edward. Maybe because he was missing a father figure in his life.

"Is Uncle Edward going to marry Vicky?"

"I don't know, sweetie. Maybe, yes. Maybe, no, we'll have to wait and see what happens."

"Is Uncle Edward my Daddy?"

"No, Andy. He's not." I told him quickly, noticing the panicked expression on Bella's face. Questions like those made her feel awkward.

"Why don't I have a Daddy? Where is he?"

"Andy, please, we're going to talk about this another time. When you are older, okay?" Bella pressed out, her voice cracking nervously.

"But I want to know now!" he insisted, kicking his shoes against the passenger's seat. "I want to have a Daddy like every other kid in kindergarten."

Bella stepped so abruptly on the breaks that my seatbelt cut painfully into my shoulder. Ouch, damn it.

She stepped out and opened the backdoor, pulling our son outside.

"You're going to stop being a brat. If you kick your shoes against Momma's seat you're hurting her."

"My Daddy would let me kick something when I'm angry."

"No, he wouldn't. Look, I know that our family is difficult from others."

"Doesn't my Daddy love me?"

"What? What makes you think something like that? Of course he loves you." Bella assured him. "Now, get back inside the car. It's time to go home."


	22. Chapter 22

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] I want to thank those of you who've been supportive of this sequel. Your love for the characters in my story touches my heart.

This is the last chapter. It doesn't have to be goodbye forever, though. It's just goodbye for now…

****22****

I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to fight off the painful throbbing of a beginning migraine attack. The new hormone pills weren't doing well with me. But it was mainly because of the conversation I was having with my wife that my head was hurting now.

"We need to tell him." She stated, adding a second spoon of sugar into her tea. "It's important."

"No. We're not going to tell Andy." I snarled a bit too harsh. As soon as I saw the expression on Alice's face I regretted my tone. She was so sensitive. There was nothing I hated more than fighting with her.

"He has a right to know about his father." Alice mumbled, her voice trembling with tears.

I reached over the table, giving her hand a gentle tug. "I know. But I just can't. Andy is too young to understand the situation."

"He's old enough to ask questions."

"Andy asks questions about everything in case you haven't noticed it."

Alice sighed and stood up from the chair. She turned around to put the empty plates into the dishwasher. I could hear a low sobbing noise coming from her mouth. It broke my heart.

"Honey, don't cry now." I whispered, standing up to pull her into a tight embrace. "I only want what's best for the boy."

"Best for Andy," she sobbed. "Or best for you?"

Both, I thought, rocking Alice's dainty body against my chest from behind. Very lightly, I touched the skin on her shoulder with my lips, leaving a mark of red lipstick on her shirt.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. "I love you."

"I love you too." Alice murmured, turning her head to me to kiss my mouth. "But we need to do something about Andy asking about his father."

My head throbbed. If Alice got persistent about something it was difficult to distract her. Finally, after hesitating for a few moments, I suggested that we would take Andy with us to our next appointment with my therapist.

xxxx

Zafrina wasn't a kid's person. That much was obvious after the first few minutes she had talked to our three-year-old.

"What are you drawing there?" she asked, kneeling down next to him on the couch.

"Uncle Edward's car." Andy explained. "It drives fast."

"Do you like driving fast?"

Andy nodded his head and continued scrawling around on the sheet of paper in front of him. "My Mommy never drives fast."

Zafrina sat down on the carpet and watched him drawing for a few minutes.

"Andy, do you know the difference between boys and girls?"

He looked up, scrunching his tiny eyebrows. "Girls cry when you pull their hair."

Alice laughed next to me on the couch. I tightened my hold around her fingers a bit. This wasn't going to work. It was embarrassing and awful. There was only one thing I knew for sure. I wouldn't endure if Andy would actually call me Dad to my face. I'd rather kill myself.

"Do you pull the hair of the girls in your kindergarten?"

"No."

"Why?" Zafrina asked, playing with the countless wooden bracelets around her wrist.

"Because my uncle Edward said you can't be mean to girls."

Zafrina nodded her head. "He's right about that. Look, Andy, your mothers said that you keep asking them about your Daddy."

Andy shrugged his shoulders. "I know where my Daddy is."

I cringed, feeling my heart cramp deep within my chest. I didn't want him to know. He wouldn't be able to handle it. Hell, I was barely able to handle the situation myself. This was the reason why I didn't want to have children in the first place.

Andy was a surprise, a much cherished and loved surprise…

"Where do you think he is?" Alice asked him nervously.

"Jail." Andy stated. "My Daddy is in jail because he robbed a bank."

"Oh that wasn't very nice of him." Zafrina stated. "Robbing banks is a bad thing to do."

"No," my little son stated patiently. "He gave all the money to the poor, like Robin Hood."

Zafrina stood up from the floor, stretching her arms above her head. "Andy, why don't you go play with Senna? I need to talk some more to your mothers."

When he was gone, I cleared my throat. "See, I told Alice this isn't going to work."

"Bella, breathe. You don't have to tell your son the truth if you don't wish to do so."

"But Andy keeps asking about his father all the time." Alice said. "We don't know what to tell him. It makes Bella feel bad when he does."

I cringed. "Isn't that understandable? I hate being reminded of my male past."

"Well," Zafrina began in a low voice. "Without said male past your child wouldn't exist."

"I know." I answered. "I know, but still. I don't want Andy to know."

"Alice?"

My beautiful wife coughed. "I want what's best for Andy."

"In my opinion it would be best if the two of you decided on some story to tell him. You could tell him his father lives far away. Or that he died. Just tell him something that gives him an answer to his question."

After the therapy session, Alice and I took Andy to have some ice-cream. Halfheartedly I stirred around in my own cup while he licked off the melting vanilla ice-cream from his plastic spoon.

I waited. I waited for Alice to start talking but it didn't happen. Usually, she was way better with words than me.

"Don't you like your ice-cream?" Andy asked, wiping his ice-cream smeared chin with the back of his hand.

"Mommy is just not very hungry right now." I murmured. "Look, Andy, I want to tell you about your Daddy."

"Is he really in jail?" Andy wanted to know, nibbling on the plastic spoon.

I shook my head. "He's…he's in heaven." I whispered, trying to keep my voice was calm as possible. "Your Daddy was a sailor and drowned in the Sea."

"Oh," Andy whispered. "My Daddy is dead?"

Both, me and Alice nodded. "But you don't have to be sad, honey." Alice told him. "Your Daddy loved you very much and he looks down at you from heaven all the time."

"Like Jesus?"

"Yeah, kind of like Jesus." I stated. "Now, finish your ice-cream, sweetie. We want to go home."

Later at home, it took us forever to get the boy to sleep. If his Daddy had been a pirate, he wanted to know. If we were sure that he really drowned and so on.

It was already close to midnight when Alice and I finally made it to bed ourselves.

"I've been thinking." Alice said, brushing through her hair while I changed into a silk nightgown. "I've been thinking that I should give up painting."

"No." I stated. "I don't want you to do that. You love painting."

She smiled a tortured smile. "I can still paint in my free time, but I want to start making some money of my own now."

I sat down at the edge of our bed and petted the place next to me. "I don't want you to give up something you love so much, at least not for money."

With a sigh, Alice sat down next to me. I wrapped my arms around her and cradled her against my chest. "You're an artist. Not a teacher."

"No one wants to buy my paintings."

"Most famous painters never made a dime while they were still alive." I told her, playing with the fine curls in her neck. Andy had her hair. I loved that.

"I want to paint you."

I smiled. "You've painted me and Andy just last week."

"No," Alice murmured. "I want to paint you naked. I've wanted to do that forever but you never let me."

I exhaled loudly through my teeth. Then I pulled my nightgown over my head and leaned back against the pillows behind my head.

"Make good use of your chance. It won't come again."

Alice rushed to get her painting supplies. Patiently I let her make me sit up and lie down and turn over to my side until she had eventually the position she wanted me to hold for the painting.

Getting painted was boring. Alice worked in concentration and didn't speak at all. When I felt her lips brushing against mine, I flinched.

"I didn't fall asleep." I murmured tiredly. "Are you done?"

"I am." Alice whispered, kissing me tenderly. "Do you want to see?"

I nodded my head and rubbed my eyes. "Yes, please."

Alice walked over and turned the picture around. It was kept entirely in black and white. I liked it instantly.

"See? You're beautiful to me. I want you to always know that."

"It's amazing." I told her. "I love you."

"I love you. Thanks for letting me paint you like this."

"You're welcome. What's the dark stuff laying under my feet?"

Alice cleared her throat. "That's your fish tail. See, there are the fish scales. I will work those out tomorrow when I have better light."

I cupped her face carefully between my hands. "No mermaid anymore?"

"Yes. Do you remember how we read the fairytale together? She was supposed to stay human if the prince would fall in love with her."

"But he didn't."

"In the fairytale, yes, but this is real life. In real life you have found me. I love you the way you are."

I sniffed, feeling how my throat felt too tight to swallow. "Oh baby, I love you. "

"I love you too. I love you more than I could ever tell you."

I couldn't manage to fall asleep, even after Alice had passed out in my arms. I would have to let her sleep in tomorrow. The kid would be tired too.

"Good night, darling." I whispered into Alice's ear. "Thank you for everything, my heart."


End file.
